You vowed to be together for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, but now you’re in a parenting standoff and can’t seem to agree on A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
You’re tired of yelling at your kids. Your partner is tired of their disrespect. You try to implement consequences. Your partner insists on sending them to time out. You dread mealtime. Your partner dreads bathtime.
The tension is palpable and your kids notice. They know you’re the strict one and your partner is more lenient. They know who will cave under pressure and whose fuse will blow first.
If there is one thing you can ALL agree on, it’s this: Something has to change.
The standoff can’t continue.
Your kids are too important. Your marriage is too important. Your family is way too important to let discipline differences wear everyone down.
So what should you do about it?
First, take a deep breath. Like a REALLY deep breath.
There is hope for you and your family, my friend. Lots of hope.
I’m here to suggest there are 8 tangible steps you and your partner can take TODAY to set a new foundation in your home – a foundation that you can both feel comfortable standing on as you continue your parenting journey. Read More →
Your pediatrician recommended it, your friends swear by it, and your child’s preschool uses it incessantly. But, every time YOU try to send your child to time-out, the 5-minute time-out turns into a 30-minute throwdown of epic proportions.
For most parents, using time-out to “teach kids a lesson” often increases the power struggle and ends in frustration, anger, and fails to achieve the desired outcome.
Or, in other cases, getting the child to go to time-out isn’t necessarily a battle, but the child continues to misbehave once their time in the corner is finished.
While well-meaning parents have used time-out as an alternative to more punitive methods like spanking, it doesn’t seem to reap the long-term benefits we hope for. After all, we are running a marathon, aren’t we?
When we take a short-sighted approach to discipline, we leave the door open for long-term problems. Sure, a time-out might curb a behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t promote our long-term goal of raising emotionally stable, resilient, and empathetic children.
If you are a proponent of time-out, this is not a finger-waving post of judgment, I promise. I, too, was once a time-out queen myself. But, as I found the tool to be increasingly ineffective in my home, I knew I needed other tactics.
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Why You Can’t Count on Counting 1-2-3
Counting 1-2-3 to get kids to listen is a popular strategy especially among parents of young children. The problem is, it really doesn’t work long-term—instead, it teaches kids to do the opposite of what we want them to learn. Think about it: counting to three teaches kids that they really don’t have to listen the first time. They learn that they’ll have several more opportunities before they have to respond. And wouldn’t we rather they listen the first time we make a request?
If you’ve been using the “Counting 1-2-3” strategy in your home, you’ve probably noticed that your kids don’t exactly snap to attention when you first speak to them. Here’s what’s going through their minds: Read More →
Have you ever seen children acting up in the grocery store…and not just acting up, but being downright obnoxious? What do you do? It takes every fiber of your being to just walk by when you really want to go over and discipline them. You reason that it will help the child and the parent to learn a lesson in effective discipline strategies.
Is it okay to discipline another person’s child?
As tempting as it may be, it’s not appropriate to discipline another person’s child except in 2 situations.
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Parents are often quick to use “Time Out” as a discipline tool because it is a widely used practice. Physicians, teachers, and other parents frequently recommend “Time Out” as a way to correct common misbehaviors. The problem with this thinking is, “Time Out” most often increases the intensity of the power struggle.
“Time Out” is not the same as removing the child from the situation. For children under the age of 3, using one or more of the Remove and Redirect strategies are most helpful:
· Remove the object
· Remove the child from the environment (This is not “Time Out”)
· Redirect the child’s attention
· Redirect the child’s activity
After the age of three (and even younger for some children), they understand that they are “independent beings” and using “Time Out” will only intensify the power struggle. We cannot impose our will on another human being – even a child. When we try to exercise power over a child, they will naturally fight back. How can we possibly force a child to stay in “Time Out”? Some children who are less “spirited” may do as they are told and remain in “Time Out” for the prescribed time – but what are they learning about their misbehavior? Are they sitting in “Time Out” thinking about their poor choice and about how they will do things differently next time? Probably not! Most likely they are “stewing” over how unfair it is that Mom or Dad sent them to “Time Out”!
How is “Time Out” related to most misbehaviors? In most cases, it isn’t.
For consequences to be effective and to provide learning for future behaviors, they must meet the criteria of the 4 R’s.
You will learn about the 4 R’s as well as many other tools to address misbehaviors by enrolling in Positive Parenting Solutions Online.