It’s summer! For many of us, this is our favorite time of the year–the slow pace, the long days, and no school activities to rush to.
On the other hand, if we’re not careful, having the kids home all summer with no clear-cut responsibilities can slowly drive us crazy.
First, there’s the whining for a later bedtime: “But Moooooom, I can sleep in since there’s no school!”
And then there are the power struggles over family contributions: “I can’t believe you’re making me take out the trash!”
And possibly worst of all, there are endless battles about screen time: “Just one more show, pleeeeeaaaazzzz! It’s summer!”
Whether or not you’re about ready to scream, read on–I have a way to make summer easier on everyone, and it’s called a summer contract.
A summer contract is an agreement between parents and kids about summer expectations. The summer contract can–and should–include things like screen time limits, household responsibilities, summer reading, bedtime, and anything else likely to become a struggle.
Kids benefit from knowing their expectations up front and being able to exercise some control over when family contributions (chores) get completed, for instance. Parents benefit because they now have a way to help their kids have both a relaxing and productive summer.
Here are some guidelines for setting up a summer contract in your house:
Summer Contract For Kids
1. Keep it Simple
You don’t need 20 rules–just focus on the main struggle areas. Are you worried about them abusing technology time? Afraid sibling rivalry is going to put a damper on summertime joy?
Be intentional about your areas of focus, and pick just a few to include in the summer contract.
2. One Contract Per Child
The contract will vary by age and personal goals. For instance, if music practice is a key part of your child’s summer, include 15-20 minutes of practice a day.
If a child pushes back and laments, “But she doesn’t have to do as much this summer!” calmly explain that everyone has different needs, and individual contracts help you, as the parent, meet the needs of each child individually.
3. Limit Technology
There’s no reason your kids need to spend every spare minute in front of a screen, and in fact, it’s not healthy for them to do so.
This is your chance to limit screen time to reasonable amounts.
Don’t be dismayed by the “But I’m so booooooored“ comments that will inevitably ensue by limiting screen time. Remind your children that they are creative and capable of making their own fun this summer–playing outside, having a dance party, building a fort, playing hide and seek. The non-technology options are endless, so hold tight to the limits you’ve put in place.
4. Let the Summer Contract be the Law
Write clear consequences into the summer contract explaining what happens if your child does not adhere to it.
For example, “If you don’t respect the one-hour-per-day rule for technology usage, you will lose technology privileges for the rest of the week.”
Then, if your child decides to challenge the contract, he’ll know exactly what’s going to happen–and so will you.
5. Set Summer Bedtimes
While bedtimes may be slightly later in the summer, they still need to be firm. Stick to a regular bedtime (for weeknights and weekends) and your kids will get the message after a few nights, with no more whining.
6. Get Buy-In
Let your kids help decide what goes into the summer contract, and they’ll be more likely to follow it.
For instance, while family contributions like preparing a meal or helping out around the house aren’t optional, kids can decide which days of the week they change sheets, pull weeds, or make a salad for dinner.
7. Post the Summer Contract and Stick to It
Avoid backsliding and giving in to whining by posting the kids’ summer contracts where you and the children will see them every day.
If your kids start to battle you for a later bedtime, you can simply point them to the contract. And by really sticking with it, your kids will soon learn that the rules aren’t up for negotiation.
Final Thoughts
With a summer contract for kids, summer really can be fun for everyone!
Once you’ve made the contract, don’t be surprised when behaviors start to flare up–after all your kids are experiencing a lot more togetherness than during the school year.
If you need more parenting tips to get you through these long summer days, I’d love for you to JOIN ME FOR A FREE ONLINE CLASS (at a time that’s convenient for you)!
In it, I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen–no nagging, reminding or yelling required.
I promise, with the right tools, you can experience a joyful, fun, and peaceful summer break with those you love the most!
Sometimes, when tasks and schedules get overwhelming, a to-do list makes things feel manageable and focused.
If your children’s behavior problems have you feeling overwhelmed and not knowing what to do first – no worries, we have the following to-do list planned and written down for you!
Here are 10 tips for better behavior…
1. Invest in One-on-One Time With Kids, Daily
By far, the best thing you can do to improve your children’s behavior is spending time with them individually, every day, giving them the positive attention and emotional connection they’re hard-wired to need.
When they don’t have that positive attention, they will seek out attention in negative ways, and consequences and other discipline methods won’t work. Aim for 10-15 minutes a day per child, and you’ll see measurable improvement almost immediately.
2. Get Serious About Sleep
Think of how you feel when you’re overtired–cranky, irritable, your head and stomach hurt. It’s the same for kids, and most toddlers (up to teens) get far less sleep than their growing bodies need.
Teens need more sleep than even younger kids. Consult your family physician about the hours of sleep your kids need by age. If your child has a sleep deficit, try moving up bedtime by 10 minutes every few nights. A well-rested kid is a well-behaved kid and can function better throughout the day, including at school.
3. Focus on Routines
Kids thrive with a routine, so set clearly defined routines for the most challenging times of the day, like mornings, after school, mealtimes, and bedtimes.
Let your kids help decide how the routine will go–do we get dressed or brush our teeth first? How can you help get dinner ready?
For younger kids, write out the order of the routine using pictures or words and let them decorate it, then hang it where they’ll see it every day. Then, stick to it.
4. Everyone Pitches In
For better behavior, kids need to understand that everyone needs to contribute to make a household run smoothly.
All kids, from toddlers to teens, should have “family contributions” (not “chores!”) they do daily – this helps bring your family closer together, teaches them life skills, and works to prevent the entitlement epidemic.
5. Encourage Your Kids to be Problem Solvers
Time to retire your referee whistle – when parents step in the middle of a sibling disagreement and determine who’s at fault and dole out punishments, it actually makes things worse.
To kids, they see a winner and a loser and a need to escalate the sibling rivalry. Encourage your kids to find a resolution to the problem on their own, which will help them solve conflicts as they grow older. If you have to get involved, don’t choose sides, but ask questions that will help them figure out a solution that all parties can feel good about.
6. Simplify Family Rules, and Be Firm
It can be difficult for kids to keep a mess of rules straight. If it seems like you have 50 or so family rules, whittle down the list to what’s most important. Determine a consequence for each rule, make it clear to kids ahead of time of both the rules and consequences, and don’t give in.
In order for consequences to be effective, they must follow the 5 R’s of Fair & Effective Consequences. To learn the 5R’s, I’d love for you to join me for a FREE ONLINE CLASS.
7. Send Time-Out to the Sidelines
Practically every parent has tried to punish or correct behavior by sending their child to “time-out,” but most have found it doesn’t work or lead to better behavior.
That’s because a time-out in the corner or bedroom doesn’t teach kids how to make better choices the next time, and generally, a time-out just escalates a power struggle. Kids, especially the strong-willed, will push back, and hard. Instead, focus on training, not punishment. Ask, “What can we do differently next time?” and role-play the do-over.
8. Just Say No to Saying “No”
Kids barrage us with questions every day. More often than not, our answer is “no,” and kids resent it.
Find opportunities to say “yes” when you can. If your daughter asks to go to the indoor pool in the middle of a busy weekday, try saying, “Going to the pool sounds like so much fun. Should we go tomorrow after school or on Saturday?”
Of course, there will always be things that will need a big “no,” but try to redirect them to a more positive option.
9. Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Be the example you want your kids to see. Think about how your kids might describe you to their friends – would they say you’re fun and lighthearted, or that you’re stressed and bossy?
Try changing your energy by simply smiling more. It will help you keep calmer in times of stress, and your kids will notice and keep their behavior more positive, too.
10. Don’t Ignore the Source of Misbehavior
Misbehavior is always a symptom of a deeper issue, and when we can find what causes it, we can use the right strategies to correct it.
If Bella keeps dumping toys all over your desk, is she upset that you’ve been working all afternoon? Is Eli throwing a fit over having the blue plate because he really wanted to make a choice and feel independent? In the midst of misbehavior, stay calm and ask yourself what might be causing it.
Final Thoughts
Cut through the chaos by following these 10 tips, and you’ll start seeing better behavior from your kids and experience a happier, more peaceful home.
While these 10 tips will definitely set you on the right path, I created a comprehensive online course that teaches 37+ tools to handle even the toughest power struggles. I’ve helped thousands of families bring peace into their homes, and I know the same can be true for you.
If you’re tired of being the bad guy at your house, I’d love for you to join me for a FREE ONLINE CLASS.
I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen–no nagging, reminding or yelling required!
As always, I’m wishing you the best on your parenting journey! And if you ever need us, we’ll be here for you!
“Why is that boy talking like a baby?” or “Why isn’t he talking at all?”
“Why is she making those sounds?”
“Look! That little girl is missing an arm.”
From the mouths of babes flow the most uninhibited and awkward questions, am I right?
When these innocently curious questions flow at a decibel level that can be heard by every shopper in the next 3 aisles, it’s enough to make any parent awkwardly shuffle to the exit at break-neck speed–while shushing and whispering to their inquisitive child.
Even though our kids’ comments are completely innocent, we’re embarrassed because we don’t want to hurt feelings or cause any more stress for the mom or dad who’s already dealing with more than their share of challenges.
And, we also struggle with our OWN responses when interacting with parents of kids with special needs. We don’t know what to say. Should we say anything at all? Should we offer to help? Our intentions are always good, but we struggle with the “right” thing to do–and so sometimes we do nothing at all. All too often we opt to avoid engagement instead of leaning into it.
The problem is, when we rush our kids away from children with differences or we fail to step up to befriend a mom of a kid with special needs, we not only miss the joy that might come from that new friendship, but we increase the chasm of understanding between us. Read More →
Feeding kids in today’s world isn’t easy. Not only do parents have a lot of pressure to raise healthy kids, they don’t always get the support they need to make it a reality. That is, until now.
The book demonstrates that common feeding mistakes aren’t a result of flawed parenting, but missing feeding knowledge. Once parents have a bigger picture of what is going on with feeding, it is pretty easy (even empowering!) to turn things around.
People always say it takes a village to raise a kid, but I’m convinced it takes a village to raise parents, too.
Once those sweet cherubs arrive, it’s really the PARENTS who need the help–the encouragement, the guidance, and the wisdom to become the parents they’ve always wanted to be.
While I’ve dedicated my life to teaching Positive Parenting strategies to thousands of families, I’m also the first to seek out experts on topics outside my wheelhouse. I love sharing resources I know will bring measurable, easy-to-implement relief and long-term support to families in our Positive Parenting Solutions community.
Lucky for all of us, there are a plethora of people and companies who’ve dedicated their time to creating tools, programs, and resources that seamlessly support parents who are trying to implement Positive Parenting strategies in their home.
Here are a few of my favorite resources that complement our Positive Parenting Solutions® course. I’ve divided the list into “Parent-Focused Resources” (you know the drill…put YOUR oxygen mask on first!) and “Kid-Focused Resources.”
Parent-Focused Resources
Comedian Jim Gaffigan once said, “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
Whether you have one kid or 10, I think every parent can relate to Gaffigan’s sentiment–we feel forever-behind, overwhelmed, and exhausted on the daily.
Yes, I know you’d do anything for your children, but here’s what YOUR kids need most: a healthy, content, in-control, and capable YOU!
I know that notion may feel like a pipe-dream, but it’s exactly why I want you to check out a few of my all-time favorite parent-centered resources that will help YOU get your life organized and on track.
Why I love it: I’m obsessed with The STEP Program from Learn Do Become because you’ll learn how to stop drowning in piles of paper, clutter, emails, and to-do lists!
The STEP Program, from my good friends April and Eric Perry, will give you a step-by-step roadmap (along with ongoing support) to organize your home, office, and life while building a strong family!
How does it support Positive Parenting? Let’s be honest, it can be difficult to get your parenting life in order when your home life feels like constant chaos.
Instead of daily disorder and chaos, imagine having a well-organized “Command Central”– a place where everything is sorted, and you know exactly what needs to be done and when.
Imagine freeing up your mental and physical “clutter” so you have the time and energy to be the best positive parent you can be for your kids. That’s exactly what you’ll learn to do in The STEP program.
As someone who struggles in the organization department (ask my teammates or my husband!)–I can’t recommend this program highly enough!
Why I love it: I love this program because it removes the obstacles for moms who are short on time—and actually equips them to lead a healthy balanced lifestyle. My sweet friend, Robin Long, created a perfectly doable, comprehensive online wellness solution that fits YOUR schedule–with an incredibly supportive online member community called the “Sisterhood.”
In the “Sisterhood,” Robin offers monthly pilates workouts for ALL SKILL LEVELS (ranging from 10-30 minutes), healthy and family-friendly recipes, and an entire library of searchable pilates workouts. (Plus! A portion of every purchase goes to support children in need.)
The other reason I’m obsessed with this program is because Robin is just SO REAL. She is a mom of four (including twins!) and she gets us! She understands busy moms and she’s tailored the program to work with our lives, not compete with them.
How does it support Positive Parenting? Let’s be honest, even though you KNOW your health is important–family life happens. And on queue, your health needs get sent to the sideline while you give every bit of mental and physical energy to take care of everyone else. You wait for a “less busy season” so you can “get back on track”–but that time never comes.
Even in the busiest seasons of your life, The Balanced Life is the perfect safe-zone to get back on track so YOU can be the healthiest, happiest version of yourself–and be the loving, patient, positive parent to the people you love most!
Kid-Focused Resources
Now that parents have the resources to become the best versions of themselves, here are a few of my favorite kid-focused resources. These courses and programs are designed to address specific parenting struggles, and I look to these instructors for wisdom in each of these areas!
Why I love it: While the entire Kitchen Stewardship website is a goldmine when it comes to healthy living, let me draw your attention to their Kids Cook Real Food Online Course. This, my friends, is for any parent who’s ever wondered, “Is it worth letting them ‘help’ if they leave eggshells in the bowl and splatter spaghetti sauce all over the walls when they are manning the whisk?”
I get it. It often feels MORE difficult to invite kiddos into the kitchen when you’re just trying to get dinner on the table. But have no fear, Katie Kimball leads you step-by-step through a comprehensive cooking course that will teach your child (and YOURSELF) how to cook safely in the kitchen. With suggestions for kids of all ages–toddlers to teens–you’ll give your children life-long culinary skills that will benefit them (and any future spouse) for years to come!
How does it support Positive Parenting? Equipping children to do tasks around the house will have life-long benefits as your kids grow into adults. With each new skill they learn in the kitchen, they’ll feel more confident and independent–which is what Positive Parenting is all about!
Kids of all ages love to help around the kitchen–I mean, what kid DOESN’T want to wield a knife? Unfortunately, parents often turn away assistance from younger children and then get upset when their teenager no longer wants to contribute.
If the long-term goal is to have a teenager who helps around the house and in the kitchen, we need to steward and encourage the “help” from our littles–even if it does take a little training and a few tries to get it right!
Why I love it: It’s simple and specific. My friend, Jamie Glowacki, is my absolute favorite person to potty talk with. She is truly an expert in the potty training arena and has helped THOUSANDS of parents tackle this potentially treacherous season.
The Oh Crap! Potty Training Course is filled with action-packed strategies and step-by-step instructions to guide parents through the dreaded potty training days.
How does it support Positive Parenting? Jamie’s method is fast, effective and gentle. She equips parents with the tools they need so potty training doesn’t turn into a power struggle. Her method isn’t punitive or rewards-based making it the PERFECT complement for any Positive Parenting Journey.
Why I love it: It’s the conversation so many parents DREAD having–you want to teach your kids about the birds and the bees but aren’t sure how to do it in an age-appropriate way. You know it’s important to talk about their private parts, but how do you do it in a less awkward way?
I love Amy Lang’s courses because she gives parents actionable steps and SCRIPTS to engage in healthy conversations about body parts and sex in a way that supports YOUR family values. No need to worry about “what” to say, Amy gives you everything you need!
Plus! She has course offerings for Preschoolers to Teens!
How does it support Positive Parenting? First, Amy Lang is a certified Positive Discipline instructor so her strategies most definitely align with Positive Parenting strategies.
Her courses focus on maintaining open communication with your children and having honest conversations about bodies and sex so your children will view you as a trusted and valued resource on the topic–and so they’ll feel comfortable coming to you when they have questions.
Plus! Amy takes the guesswork out of tackling the conversations which is a win-win for everyone!
Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Amy from the Talking to Kids About Sex In a Way that Supports Your Family Values advanced module in the online course!
Why I love it: My friend, Renee Jain, created GoZen for kids ages 4-15-ish who struggle with high stress and anxiety. I love this program because kids learn by watching animated cartoons–really!
Kids watch engaging, entertaining cartoons to learn skills of resilience and well-being. In addition, imaginative games, workbooks, and quizzes enrich their learning. GoZen also has programs to teach resilience skills to kids who struggle with OCD, panic attacks, negative thoughts, and more.
How does it support Positive Parenting? The underlying goal of Positive Parenting is to meet the emotional needs of our children FIRST. While all humans have the same hardwired needs for belonging and significance, some children have additional emotional needs that must be addressed for Positive Parenting strategies to work effectively.
For children who experience high levels of anxiety and stress in particular situations, it’s critical for them to learn the skills to recognize those feelings and work through them so they can be the best versions of themselves. GoZen has the resources you need to address any deeper emotional needs to ensure Positive Parenting works effectively for your child.
Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Renee in the Help for the Anxious Child advanced module in the online course!
Why I love it: Social media expert and 4 time Duke All-American athlete, Laura Tierney designed The Social Institute to help kids WIN at social media.The Social Institute takes a kid-centered approach to social media by empowering children to take control of their online presence.
Through games, interactives, and group instruction, The Social Institute is bringing parents, students, and teachers the most revolutionary social media curriculum.
How does it support Positive Parenting? One of the primary goals of Positive Parenting is to raise responsible, capable, and independent children. While it may seem easier (and sometimes necessary) to simply forbid all social media from your home or block particular websites, The Social Institute TEACHES children how to use social media responsibly.
By equipping kids with the appropriate tools and wisdom to use social media responsibly, parents no longer have to worry about limiting access altogether. Plus, when children feel a sense of power and control over their lives, they are more resilient, respectful and less likely to act out.
Positive Parenting Solutions members will recognize Laura from the Social Media Training for Kids advanced module.
Final Thoughts
While there are many incredible tools, courses, and resources on the market to support a Positive Parenting journey, it’s imperative parents are also equipped with a toolbox of Positive Parenting discipline strategies.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Backtalk is the number one parenting complaint I hear from the thousands of parents I’ve worked with. But does knowing how common backtalk is make it any less frustrating? Of course not!
Backtalk might be annoying and, at times, infuriating, but it’s a common side effect of growing up and gaining independence.
At all ages, kids need a strong sense of personal power on an emotional level. When they can’t get it because we’re ordering them around or doing everything for them, they lash out with words.
It’s a typical “fight or flight” response–since they can’t exactly move into their own apartment (flight), they’ll fight back by testing limits and trying to get a reaction.
There are many reasons WHY kids talk back, so it’s important to get to the root of the issue to determine which strategy will work best.
The best way to stop backtalk in its tracks is to give our kids the positive personal power they need. By fostering independence within our limits, we can help them grow up, as well as limit the backtalk, arguing, and whining that no one enjoys.
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