Perhaps your budding artist suddenly disowns the crayon mural in the hallway.
Maybe your daughter, who has spent the last hour making mud pies in the backyard, tells you she’s already washed her hands, despite mud caked on her hands.
Or your teen tells you he got home last night at curfew when you heard him come in a half-hour late.
Whatever the lie, it’s a frustrating challenge for parents. But when we understand why kids lie, we can help our kids become more honest.
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“Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches. Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child’s life and it’s like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.” -Gary Smalley
Although it is not easy to admit, I used to criticize my children under the guise of “good intentions.” Whether it was poor posture, unmannerly eating habits, improper grooming, uncoordinated outfits, or a less-than-desired performance in sports or music, I felt the need to constantly correct. I justified the criticism by saying it would help them be more likable … or more successful … or more self-confident. But truthfully, it was all about me. I was concerned about how my children’s behavior or appearance was going to reflect on me. I pushed for perfection because I was overly concerned about what other people were going to think of me, not them.
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Your child’s crumpled into a ball in the living room, sobbing over a newly broken toy. You jump into action to quell the crying and help him feel better – but will your words actually help?
As much as parents would like to consider ourselves fonts of unending wisdom, we can say some pretty unhelpful things at times. These aren’t necessarily things said in the midst of a late-afternoon tantrum or a middle-of-the-store meltdown, but things we say to comfort our kids with the best intentions of helping them.
So, the next time these words are on the tip of your tongue, take a second and look for a different way to approach the situation:
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If you missed my swearing segment on The Today Show with Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, you can catch it here. Here are the strategies we discussed for potty mouth parents as well as the guidelines we didn’t get to cover for what to do when children swear.
Is swearing in front of your kids really a big deal?
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Thanks to nine-year-old Braydon, little Emily’s Barbie lost her head while getting ready for an evening out. But even as Braydon dutifully – and immediately – apologizes to Emily and her doll, the stolen glances he’s giving his video games leave the Nintendo getting more eye contact than anyone else in the room.
So how do we teach kids to say sorry in a meaningful way?
While forcing kids to apologize in the heat of the moment often makes parents feel better, it does little to help children truly understand the effects of their misbehavior. Instead, put the “sorry” on standby and–when everyone is calm and collected–follow these 3 steps: Read More →
Ahh, summer vacation. What could be better than the all-American, old-fashioned family road trip with kids?
Not much…until the whining starts.
Before you reach for the earplugs, try one of these fun solutions — suggested by the creative parents in our members-only Facebook Group — to keep your kids happy and you sane.
Games are a great way to include the whole family while painlessly passing the road trip with kids. Here are just a few of our favorite suggestions:
Or, better yet, turn the tables around and put parents in the hot seat while teaching youngsters a bit about the country — have kids look at an atlas and quiz mommy and daddy on states and capitals.
Or if you’re crawling through a busy town, try Red light/Green light. To play, divide your car into teams and say, “If we make a light, we (green team) get a point and if we get stopped at the light, the red team scores.” This way everyone wins (gets points) and/or loses (hits red lights) and it’s a great way to prevent the whining about getting there and the potential road rage on my part.
When you’ve had enough road trip competition for one day, try your hand at some of these activities.
Just remember, a little control goes a long way towards keeping whiny kids at bay. Empower your kids by letting them help plan part of the trip: each child could pick an attraction to visit, or where the family will eat.
And let kids have a say in such things as the music choices, snacks, or whether or not to take the “scenic” route. These small doses of power your kids experience will cut down on power struggles throughout your journey.
If you need a little peace and quiet while you drive, try leaving at bedtime for longer rides. It’ll be seat belts on and lights out as your kids dream away the hours on the road.
And if all else fails, the portable electronics can be a great distraction. But too many movies can turn kids into backseat couch potatoes, so be sure to set reasonable limits.
Want to know the very best way to keep everyone happy on your next long road trip with kids? Don’t forget to set aside time each day for some one-on-one attention for each of your children.
When kids get consistent positive attention, they are less likely to act out in negative ways, like throwing their flip-flops out the car window.
Best of luck, my friend, we are wishing you all the best on your road tripping adventures
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