Have a plan set for what rules you want her to follow–ideally before she even has the technology in hand–and lay them out, clear and concise. That way, should an issue arise, you’ll have your finger on the pulse, ready to take action at a moment’s notice.
Is your child already well acquainted with their smartphone and tablet? No need to worry! It’s never too late to implement some ground rules.
Please Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions members, check out the advanced module Family Technology Survival Plan to learn the top 7 technology mistakes you might be making and the secrets to the Family Technology Contract and how to stick with it.
Treat Them as Adults
“Stop treating me like a baby! I’m practically an adult.”
You’ve heard these words from your teenage son more times than you care to mention. Usually you respond with the cliché comeback, “I’ll start treating you like an adult when you start acting like one!”
But not today. Instead you simply say, “Wish granted.”
Over the past few months you’ve noticed your son becoming more and more absorbed by social media. When he’s not checking his phone for the latest fantasy football update, he’s on his computer scrolling through Instagram.
Now is truly the time to treat him as an adult.
Because like it or not, his online life exists in a world where many of the consequences for his actions lie outside the realm of your control. You can’t fully protect him, and that worries you.
So what do you do? Begin the conversation.
Let him know that just as in “real” life, there are laws and regulations governing cyberspace. Many things that may seem harmless online could potentially be considered criminal. What he feels may qualify as a harmless prank on a fellow classmate could be considered harassment and is punishable by law just as it would be in person.
Also, make it clear that what he puts online is public record and can follow him for the rest of his life, especially when it comes to college admissions and future career opportunities. There’s no need to sugar coat it–privacy doesn’t exist online.
The fact is, real-world consequences exist online. Because of that, the use of technology and social media comes with an adult-sized dose of responsibility. Therefore, having an adult conversation is not just important, it’s essential.
Emphasize Safety
From the moment you brought her home from the hospital, your daughter’s safety has been your number one concern. You installed every baby gate, purchased the highest quality bicycle helmets, and never let her ride in a car without a seatbelt.
Now here you stand, facing an entirely new threat as you hand over her first smartphone.
You know it’s time. Between all of the after-school activities and weekend sleepovers, you find comfort in knowing she’s just a call away. But you also understand the risk and want her to understand it as well.
But how do you initiate the conversation?
To start, make sure she knows her worth. Tell her, “You have a right to be treated safely, both in person and online, no matter what.”
When you do this, you’ll find an amazing thing happens. You empower her! And the more empowered she feels now, the more likely she’ll be to disengage from anyone that tries to make her feel differently later.
Next, let her know which steps you’re taking in order to ensure she stay safe online. Perhaps you’ve enabled software that prohibits anything inappropriate from popping up or you insist on knowing all of her social media passwords.
This isn’t an excuse to be snoopy. You simply care about her enough to put forth the effort to ensure she stays safe.
Finally, talk to her about the risks. How much does she know about cyberbullying? Does she know who to go to for help?
Above all else, just remember, cyber safety is–and always should be–an ongoing conversation. Normalizing the issue now will help make sure that safety online is always at the forefront of her mind.
Encourage Empathy
Your son has always had a chip on his shoulder. He’s the captain of the football team, a straight-A student, and friends with just about everyone.
You love that about him but often wonder: His life is just so easy. Does he know that’s not the case for everyone?
Empathy. It’s a trait we all want to see in our children.
Though the concept is easy enough, the execution can be difficult, especially for kids whose lives are already complicated enough. They can barely understand their own feelings and now we want them to understand the feelings of others, too?
I know encouraging empathy may seem difficult when parenting young children and teens, especially when they’re still learning emotional control. But, raising empathy-rich children can have a tremendous impact on their lives and the lives of others.
When it comes to cyberbullying, help your child take a walk in another person’s shoes.
Ask them, “How would you feel if someone sent you hateful comments or messages?”
And be sure not to avoid the hard topics. Perhaps they knew someone who, like Phoebe Prince, was pushed to suicide?
“How do you think they felt when they were being bullied?” or “Who could they have reached out to for help?”
Allowing your child to truly identify with others in that situation decreases the likelihood of them bullying another person. Likewise, it allows them to reflect on their own personal situation. If they are currently being bullied, an exercise in empathy may be just the reminder they need to know they are not alone.
Final Thoughts
At times it can seem as though our world is changing so swiftly we can’t keep up. We may remember the feeling of being bullied as a kid, but the thought of being bullied in a world so deeply encompassed by technology and social media can be hard to imagine.
Take heart! Because, believe it or not, the change is actually not as grand as it may seem. In fact, very little about bullying has changed other than the way it is carried out.
Please don’t skip out on having this very important conversation with your children. You have the knowledge to face this problem head-on!
Still feel like you need a little extra support? Not to worry. We want to be the support you need. The Positive Parenting Solutions course was designed for parents just like you who are looking for tools they can use to help with issues just like these.
You may also JOIN ME FOR A FREE ONLINE CLASS.
Let’s work together to ensure your kids are happy, healthy, and most importantly safe online.
