“I want a candy bar!”
Your 2-year-old daughter stands screaming in the middle of the grocery store checkout line as you look on in shock. With tears flowing, fists clenched, and her piercing wail echoing throughout the entire store, she is the absolute center of attention.
Your 9-year-old son sits in the backseat of your minivan, his arms folded across his chest in pure defiance. He had wanted to go to the mall with his friends by himself, but you insisted on going as a chaperone.
“I promise, I will keep my distance,” you assure him. “You’re simply too young to go alone.”
However, your assurance does little to change his attitude. After spending the entire drive yelling at you for being so unfair, he’s now giving you the silent treatment.
Your 16-year-old storms out of the house, slamming the door behind her as she makes her exit. “You’re being completely unfair!” she yells over her shoulder.
All you had asked her to do was to fill up the car with gas after she finished using it. Was that so unreasonable?
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
You made it through the Terrible Twos, survived the “Threenage” years, and held on tight through all of the turmoil your “Fournado” brought about. Then, just when you thought the worst was behind you, you realized the cold, hard truth.
Tantrums happen.
Anytime. Anywhere. And at any age.
As a parenting educator, I’ve seen this time and time again. Exhausted parents wondering when their children will finally stop throwing tantrums. And for good reason! No one dislikes a tantrum more than a parent.
While there are plenty of tactics and tools parents can use to prevent temper tantrums from happening, there is no hard and clear rule that says tantrums are limited to a certain age group.
In fact, even adults give in to the occasional tantrum every now and then.
While tantrums may happen at every age, they begin to look different as children grow. The crocodile tears and high pitched screams suddenly turn into eye rolls and slammed doors. The possibilities are endless and can be endlessly confusing for a stressed-out parent.
So whether you have a toddler, a preschooler, a tween, or a teen, there is no better time to take a deeper look at tantrums through the ages than right now. Because when you have a better understanding of the role tantrums play at different ages, you’ll start to learn how to handle each one specifically; making your life–and your child’s–much less chaotic.
Toddler Tantrums (Ages 12 months to 4)
You are six months into being a parent of two and, so far, you are absolutely loving it!
Watching your 3-year-old become a big sister was nothing short of a dream come true, and now you feel as though you’re finally starting to fall into a comfortable groove as a family. Still, the honeymoon phase of having a new baby has come to an end as you’ve noticed a bit of jealousy coming from your oldest.
It’s not that she doesn’t love her sister–in fact, she adores her–but it’s clear the baby’s newness is starting to wear off. You knew this would happen eventually, it’s only natural. Yet, as you watch your daughter kicking and screaming on the nursery floor, you feel unprepared to handle the situation.
What happened?
One minute she was perfectly fine, the next a wreck. After noticing her baby sister play with a noisy toy piano–a toy that used to be hers, no less–she lost her temper and a tantrum quickly ensued.
“But that’s my toy!” she wails.
“Honey, you’re too big for that toy. It’s for babies.”
You try to reason with her, but that only makes the tantrum worse.
Yes, toddler tantrums can thrust any parent into a panic and have the ability to turn a perfectly good day into a total disaster. Still, you can’t say you weren’t warned…
It seems everyone from your great aunt Mildred to the random cashier at the grocery store have been uttering warnings since the moment you announced a baby was on the way.
You understand that tantrums are simply a part of the territory–especially during those early years–and you’ve known they were coming. The crying, the whining, the kicking, the screaming. From grocery store meltdowns to strategic manipulation, toddler tantrums come in many shapes and sizes.
Fortunately, you are not alone in your desire to end toddler tantrums. At Positive Parenting Solutions, we offer plenty of resources to help you navigate the early years. With some support and a little patience (okay, maybe a lot), you will be taming tantrums from big to small in no time.
School-Aged Tantrums (Ages 5 to 12)
You swore it would never happen but it did. They went and changed math.
You thought 2 + 2 = 4, but it looks so different now. It’s longer and so much more complicated. This is not the math you remember doing in elementary school.
But times have changed. Now, you are forced to sit through at least an hour of torment each evening at the kitchen table, as you try and help your 8-year-old son figure it out as well.
Unfortunately, every night has become an uphill battle that usually ends in a fight between the two of you. He hates math and you’re not the biggest fan of it either.
Frustrated, you press him to work through each problem, urging him to try and understand–for you to understand. Eventually, he reaches his breaking point.
The math book slams shut, his pencil goes flying, and tears start to streak his cheeks.
“I can’t do this!” he yells as he marches off to his bedroom. With the slam of his door, you hang your head in defeat.
Something has to change.
It may look a little different than a few years ago, but this is a prime example of your son having, you guessed it–a temper tantrum!
For most families, temper tantrums have tapered off dramatically by the time their child enters school. With age comes maturity and a stronger handle on mastering their big emotions.
Still, after-school meltdowns may still happen. Sometimes often. And why wouldn’t they? School is stressful after all!
Of course, no kid wants to have a meltdown at school for all of his classmates and teachers to witness. So he holds back, waiting for the moment he walks through the front door into his own home. His safe space.
To you.
Oh friends, I know exactly how you feel. Especially when you hear great things about your child’s behavior all day, only to experience nothing but attitude, sass, and backtalk the moment he arrives home. Talk about frustrating!
It’s easy to see these tantrums as nothing more than your child exhibiting disrespectful, bratty behavior. But be careful not to judge too quickly!
Tantrums happen for a reason. Although they may be more emotionally stable now than when they were toddlers, kids at this age are still working to get a handle on their big emotions–a task that takes years to master.
