Despite the size difference, children are more like adults than we may think. And just as our feathers get ruffled when someone “demands” or “commands” us to do something, children also get bent out of shape when we bark orders and constantly tell them what to do and how to do it.
Let’s face it, whether you’re 4 or 40, no one wants to be bossed around!
But how will we, as parents, ever get anything done?
In fact, you may be thinking, “I’m the parent and it’s my responsibility to tell my kids what to do.” And that is true. You are the parent and you make the rules and sometimes kids simply must toe the line…because you said so.
However, if we’re not careful, too much demanding, commanding, and “because I said so-ing” will create more power struggles and battles than we ever bargained for.
In fact, while the, “Because I said so!” strategy may have worked a generation or two ago, its effectiveness has waned considerably in today’s parenting world.
Things are different now. Society is different. Families are different. And, most certainly, children are different.
Today, we take a more democratic approach, where every member of the family is heard, valued, and respected.
No longer are we living by the old authoritarian household rules, where dad reigns supreme and everyone else listens without question.
Just imagine, for a moment, how you would feel if your spouse or significant other demanded you “have dinner on the table by 6:00 p.m.!” My guess is you wouldn’t happily obey the request. In fact, you’d probably throw some eye rolls and expletives their direction just for good measure.
At one point in time, mom may have been expected to blindly listen to and obey dad’s orders just as the children were. But today marriages are seen as partnerships.
Children are no longer held to these old standards, either–both inside and outside of the home. In fact, the current education system also utilizes a democratic approach. Corporal punishment is a thing of the past, kids are spoken to respectfully, and they are even invited to participate in the learning process.
When we demand cooperation from our children by ordering, correcting, and directing, we evoke a natural fight or flight response. Unless your kids are set with transportation and flush with cash, they can’t easily flee–so the only option is to fight.
This is where backtalk, bad attitudes, and tantrums rear their ugly heads..
Alternatively, kids may choose a more passive fight and simply ignore your request altogether.
Either way, the invitation for a power struggle has been sent and your child’s message is coming in loud and clear: You may think you’re the boss of me, but you’re not.
However, there is hope! From toddlers to teens, you can use the same strategies to get everyone working together.