When yours and mine suddenly become ours…a lot of changes occur. And if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing those changes at this very moment. You are now a part of one of the most prominent family structures in today’s society–the blended family!
I can assure you, I’ve worked with families of every style, structure, and size. Whether they’ve taken my FREE PARENTING WEBINAR or signed up for the 7-Step Parenting Success System® online training program, you name it, I’ve seen it.
And though these families may look vastly different on the outside, I’ve come to learn that every parent–no matter what type of family they come from–wants the exact same thing.
To see their family flourish!
But how?
Just as with any family, blended families face their fair share of tough parenting challenges. When navigating the muddy waters of co-parenting and step-parenting, the road isn’t always easy. But I promise you, it’s well worth the trip!
Your new family can succeed! Using these 5 tips, there’s no reason you cannot become the positive parent you’ve always dreamed of being.
Tip #1: Make Time for Connection (With Each Child)
“You’re not my mom!”
“My REAL dad never makes me take out the trash.”
“I hate you!”
Do any of these sound familiar?
Maybe the stinging pain of a fresh divorce is still lingering in their young minds or the idea of having to answer to another parent is too much for them to handle.
Whatever the case may be, when merging two families, it can be incredibly difficult to establish a relationship with the children involved.
I know how hard this time can be, especially when all the kids seem to do is push you away. But believe me when I say NOW is the time to cultivate those relationships and establish a connection!
Here are a couple of ideas on how you can do just that:
MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® Activities
There is no better way to get to know your new children than by spending quality time with them. And there is no better way to ensure the children you already have continue to feel loved and empowered than by doing the exact same thing.
So what can you do? Incorporate what I call MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® activities (MBST)–with EACH child, EVERY day!
I get it, the life of a parent is anything but slow. And life for a parent in a blended family? Forget about it!
Still, I urge you to make time for MBST with your kids. It’s so important because parents who regularly incorporate this time into their daily lives see a positive change in their kids’ behavior! All you need is 10-15 minutes each day that you can spend with each child one-on-one, doing whatever it is they would like to do.
Put away the distractions and protect this time for connection. Schedule it on the calendar so kids know when it’s happening and most importantly, give it a name!
By giving this “special time” a label, kids will have a tangible way of describing your time together and you’ll get “credit” when you say, “I really enjoyed our Mommy & Avery time! I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow!”
Not only is this a power-packed tool that will help you connect with each child, but it will also help cut down on the number of tantrums, attitudes, and general misbehavior you see from your kids.
Of course, the reality of living with a blended family means that you may not see your children every day. If that’s the case, fret not!
Use FaceTime to chat about their day or read a bedtime story together. Send them off with a handwritten letter (one for each day you’re apart) for them to read whenever they’re missing you. Make a plan to spend extra time together on the days that you have them.
The bottom line is, there are so many ways you can still make them feel empowered, loved, and important–even from afar.
Plan Special “Date Nights”
When you were getting to know your significant other, chances are you learned a lot about one another while out on a date. You asked questions, had fun, and allowed yourself the time to truly build your relationship from the ground up.
Why not do the same for your new children?
Of course, there are a couple of rules:
1) Each date must take place outside of the house.
2) Dates must be planned in advance, giving the child (and you!) something to look forward to.
Try taking them to their favorite restaurant for dinner or out for a round of mini-golf. If money is an issue, no need to worry–great dates don’t have to cost a dime! Perhaps you go for a bike ride at their favorite park. Or pack a picnic and hit a local hiking trail!
Whatever it is you decide to do, make sure you have plenty of opportunities to talk. Ask them about school, their family, and especially their interests. Then work those into your time together.
Does your new stepdaughter have a passion for dance? Maybe tickets to see The Nutcracker would make for the perfect Christmas gift.
You can also ask them to teach you something new!
Perhaps your stepson is an avid gamer? Why not make a connection and find some common ground while he’s showing you the ins and outs of Fortnite?
Whatever you do to reach out to your kids, just know that establishing an emotional connection takes time. But if you keep at it, persisting with love and attention, you’ll soon begin to feel the growing bond you’ve been longing for.
Tip #2: Set Up Family Meetings
Blended families ARE families–one unit! And when it comes to solving problems, getting along, merging schedules, and anything else you may need to coordinate, it’s best to work together.
Which is why I highly recommend setting up (and regularly sticking to) a family meeting.
Think of it like a business. Success comes when every person is on board. Family meetings provide a wonderful opportunity for every member of the family to get on the same page, connect, and problem-solve.
