If you’re going to execute a Yes Day successfully, you know it has to feel right.
We completely understand. To make the biggest impact, this day should be authentic for everyone.
Since Yes Days aren’t a last-minute surprise, kids have the opportunity to understand and agree to the ground rules beforehand.
The parents in the Yes Day movie, for example, create guidelines that make the day reasonable and fair to all (this day isn’t JUST about kids)!
These rules offer a great template for your Yes Day too, and they include:
- A budget (either for the family or per child)
- Nothing can be requested that permanently affects the future (like adopting a pet or getting a tattoo)
- Obviously, nothing dangerous or illegal
- Nothing that involves travel beyond 20-50 miles (or some unreasonable) distance
One caveat: In the movie, the kids are told the Yes Day must be earned (by getting good grades and doing their chores). But we disagree.
Positive parenting highly discourages the use of rewards for motivation in any situation, so it’s important never to frame a Yes Day as a reward for good behavior or celebrated achievements.
If we do, we may undermine the magic of the day. It’s no longer about fun, connection, and empowerment; it’s now tied to a child’s performance.
If you are struggling to motivate your kids, trust me, there are much better tools at a parent’s disposal that avoid contributing to expectation and entitlement.
Ideally, your kids are already encouraged to act appropriately, finish their homework, and commit to family contributions, regardless of having a Yes Day.
(Still, you might not want to plan the day right after a bombed report card or a substantial sibling fight).
Another good rule is to encourage kids to remain sincere on Yes Day and not attempt to trick you into saying yes to something out of bounds. Putting a parent in an awkward position, where they feel forced to say yes is, first: manipulative, and second: not going to work.
Here’s another consideration: should you stray from reliable family morning and bedtime routines on Yes Day?
This depends on your kids and what you’re comfortable with. Routines are ideally followed every day, regardless of weekends and holidays, school time, or summer. But, if your kids easily adapt to a brief blip in a solid schedule–and one of the Yes Day requests breaks routine parameters–feel free to roll with the craziness!
The bottom line is: you can use any rules you deem necessary for your family.
It’s also important to remember that your family’s Yes Day isn’t going to look like the neighbor’s Yes Day or your kid’s friend’s Yes Day. Your Yes Day will be unique and bring out everyone’s distinct personalities. You may even learn one or two things about one another.
