Please Note: Make sure you don’t present television usage as a special reward. This will make tasks feel more like unbearable chores. When-Then Routines work best if the goal is an already-established privilege that can only be enjoyed after necessary tasks are completed.
Nixing the Nagging/Negotiating
When-Then Routines also eliminate the need for you to nag and negotiate with your kids.
Nagging your children to stop or start doing something usually turns into a power struggle. They feel belittled because they don’t think you believe they can accomplish things without your reminders (and maybe you really do think this!). This will make them feel annoyed, defensive, and less likely to cooperate.
Also, if in a moment of weakness you give in when your child tries to bargain with you, you send the message that everything is up for negotiation. You might think that allowing a few more minutes of television isn’t a big deal, but a few months down the road you could have a child glued to a screen all day.
Avoid getting dragged into a negotiation, listening to whining, or being sucked into a power struggle by simply stating When-Then, and walking away. After all, if you stick around, you provide an audience for the badgering and you may find yourself giving in!
Stay strong, and your kids will learn that no amount of whining will change your mind. Case closed.
Leading by Example
If we place a lot of value in our own TV viewing, our kids will learn the same. It’s certainly fine to have our adult TV time (after all, we deserve to relax AND need to stay relevant for the next adult dinner party), but it’s best not to consistently “veg” in front of the television while our children are watching.
If we enjoy the great outdoors, like to read, cook fun meals, or play an instrument or sport, our kids will catch on and be influenced by these healthy hobbies. The earlier we can introduce our kids to these non-electronic alternatives, the better.
It’s so easy to become hypocritical and allow our personal actions to fall contrary to the expectations we have of our children. Just stay vigilant and try to “practice what you preach.”
Offering One-on-One Parent/Child Time
You can always encourage less television viewing by suggesting one-on-one time with your child, doing something she chooses.
Spending undistracted, quality time with our children is incredibly empowering for kids. It gives them a sense of importance and value that they crave. It’s personal attention, a chance for connection, and a FUN activity. Used routinely and correctly, your kids will become addicted to it–perhaps even more so than television.
You can suggest kicking a soccer ball back and forth, playing a game of Uno, taking a walk to the park, or even going on a mini scavenger hunt around the house. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or well planned-out (unless you’d like it to be)–it just needs to be at least 10-15 minutes of daily, child-directed, personal time with your kids.
This may seem unrealistic to those of you with withdrawn teenagers. But believe me–they need this one-on-one time just as much as the toddlers in your life. Don’t stop encouraging it or finding the time and means to implement it.
Please Note: If your child wants to use television as your one-on-one activity, this is okay every once in a while within the following limits: make sure you are watching the television together; make sure you are discussing what you’re watching; and try to keep it educational for little tykes.
Limiting Instantaneous Downloads (in an Age of Entitlement)
Have you tried introducing some of your favorite older movies to your kids, only to hear them say, “This is so boring.” “Why is this so slow?” “Is this seriously in black and white?”
Our current era of instant gratification can make viewing older movies with slower plot lines and less special effects a real drag for kids. We know how fun and action-packed television and movies are these days.
Even playing a DVD seems archaic to today’s kids. Despite quickly finding the DVD and fast-forwarding through the pre-programmed previews to the menu screen, a (mere) minute later, your kids are wondering what took so long.
A lack of patience and inability to be bored are just smaller signs of the entitlement epidemic facing kids today.
(In my book, The “Me Me Me” Epidemic, I discuss at length not only why many of today’s children believe in inherently special treatment–but also how we can combat it.)
It may not seem like instant digital downloads can have that much of an effect on a child’s expectations or actions in life, but it certainly does play into the idea that today’s kids don’t have to wait for a payoff.
Working and waiting for desired outcomes is something our youngsters still need to learn. Maybe now more than ever.
If you’re worried about creating entitled kids, implementing control over the television can make a difference.
Try making them wait until the weekend for a special movie night–a movie that you all take turns choosing. Since they’ve had to wait all week it may make them more receptive to watching something they didn’t pick out (or something from your youth that is now apparently ancient).
Final Thoughts
Television, my friend, is here to stay. Maybe futuristic TVs will fly around the house for special effect, morph into IMAX screens, or automatically lower the volume during commercials (you never know). But beyond bigger and better entertainment value, the presence of television is most likely permanent.
Instead, we need to focus on managing television’s addictive qualities and not let it affect our children’s health, progress, and goals.
I realize it’s easier said than done. After all, I raised two kids in the digital age. But I also know from experience that you can reset your television rules for the benefit of all.
So there you have it. Now’s the time to get you and your kids on track for manageable, guiltless, and worry-free screen time. And we’re here to guide you every step of the way.
For more tools, I encourage you to check out my FREE ONLINE CLASS. You’ll learn the 5Rs for implementing effective consequences for misbehaviors–including the excessive or inappropriate use of technology.
Title Image: Alena Ozerova / Shutterstock www.shutterstock.com/photos
