It’s SO hard to curb the parental instinct to jump in and fix our kids’ problems. But when it comes to encouraging them to do things on their own, this includes problem-solving!
We can assist them, instead, by giving them the chance to find good solutions.
One way to inspire this is to ask our kids “How?” questions.
“How could you make your sister feel better (since you took her action figure)?”
“How will you make sure you get up in time to catch the bus?”
Just like in a Decision-Rich Environment, if we want kids to think for themselves one day, we can’t provide all the answers. We can assure them we’re available for suggestions or assistance but that it’s best for them to reach their own conclusions.
Avoiding the tendency to jump in with our answers to their problems helps our kids feel confident in their abilities.
What we DO want to offer, however, is a safety-net that allows kids to problem-solve in a controlled environment. With this structure and support in place, bad solutions won’t face serious consequences.
For example:
Let’s say your eleven-year-old left his retainer at his friend’s sleepover last night. If his solution is to walk across the neighborhood at 9 pm to retrieve it, you can respond with, “I appreciate your plan to walk over there, but it’s your bedtime and probably pretty close to your friend’s bedtime, too. Let’s wait until morning when it isn’t dark out and your friend is up and around.”
This way, less-than-ideal solutions can become learning opportunities.
Before long, your child’s problem-solving skills will be prepped and ready for long-term, real-life action.