Picky Eating: 5 Praise Mistakes Parents Make—and What to Say Instead

Guest Post from Feeding Specialist, Melanie Potock

Think praising your picky eater will help them eat better? Not always.

In this guest post, feeding expert Melanie Potock shares 5 surprising mistakes parents often make when using praise at mealtimes—and what to say instead to help your child feel confident, curious, and willing to explore new foods.

1. Avoid Vague Praise Like ‘It’s Yummy!’

Sure, we all probably say words like “delicious” or “tasty” several times a day. But for the child who isn’t keen on trying new foods, these descriptors lack substance. The hesitant eater may not trust that the first taste will indeed be “yummy,” and just hearing you say it in the most convincing tone isn’t going to sway her into biting into that Brussels sprout.

The antidote:

Give your comments more substance by using words that truly describe the sensation in your mouth. For example, when tasting yogurt, try words like “tart,” “smooth,” or “creamy.”

Teaching kids as young as preschoolers words that describe the sensations provides a vocabulary anchor for them to compare to other tastes and textures. The next time you try a new but similar food, use that anchor and say, “This new avocado dip is smooth like yogurt, but I don’t think it’s as tart – tell me what you think when you lick it. You’re really learning to detect those differences!”

Remember, it’s about building trust in what you say and communicating your confidence in their abilities.

2. Don’t Praise Kids for Eating When They’re Just Hungry

If your child didn’t do anything to earn it, don’t comment on it.

I run into this whether it’s an 8-month-old who drinks their entire bottle or a sixteen-month-old who becomes a member of the empty plate club. The parent exclaims, “You finished it ALL GONE!”

Well-meaning parents may be trying to teach the concept of “empty” or “done” but are inadvertently praising a child for something that, frankly, just happened because they were really hungry.

Soon, even 1-year-olds learn to eat more than they need because Mommy and Daddy praised them into it.

It’s most important that kids learn to tune into their own body signals, like the sensation of fullness. Let them decide if they need to eat more.

The antidote:

“Sometimes it takes courage to try a new food! I certainly felt very brave the first time I slurped a raw oyster off the shell.”

If you have a hesitant eater who, on his own, decides to try something new, offer some silly feedback to keep the mood light and still recognize that he did something challenging.

For example, if your preschooler is willing to spoon some Brussels sprouts onto his plate from the dinner platter, and that’s the closest encounter he’s had with B-sprouts, respond with a silly “Wow, you balanced that B-sprout just like a seal balances a ball!”

You’re telling your child you saw him balancing – and that’s a tricky skill to learn!

Plus, you’re giving him attention for exploring a new veggie and he’s likely to spoon another one onto his plate because you noticed his new achievement.

3. Stop Labeling One Child as the “Adventurous Eater”

Kids will live up to the labels we assign to them, and when we repeatedly praise a sibling or friend for being “an adventurous eater” in front of a hesitant eater, we essentially tell him, “and you’re not.”

On the flip side, referring to a child as “the picky eater in the family” is like hanging a blinking neon sign above his head that reads “PICKY FOREVER” for the entire community to notice.

Consequently, neighbors always serve macaroni and cheese when your picky eater visits because they know he’ll eat that. The same pizza gets ordered for class parties because several of the kids are known picky eaters. Specific restaurants are the dinner spot of choice, thanks to the same old kids’ menu.

In our book, Raising a Healthy Happy Eater, written with pediatrician Dr. Nimali Fernando (Dr. Yum), we suggest calling everyone in the family “food explorers” with the understanding that everyone has a different comfort zone when it comes to trying new things.

Over time, they’ll broaden that zone to include more and more foods. But expanding that comfort zone is always about exposing kids to new opportunities to explore new foods, and that includes friends’ homes, school, and restaurants.

The antidote:

Expose, Explore, Expand.

When parents present healthy food options with a smile on their face and encourage exploration through food play, food prep and more, kids will begin to expand the variety of foods that they are willing to taste over time.

When the entire family is into food exploration, it doesn’t matter who’s the best at it; what matters is that it’s fun to do it together! Root on the entire family with your encouragement and don’t single out one person in the group.

4. Avoid Comparing Siblings or Friends at Mealtimes

This sort of round-about comparison is about as subtle as saying to your spouse, “My first husband loved to vacuum…” and expecting him to rush to the nearest Hoover and plug it in.

The antidote:

Encourage every member of the family to be an active participant when it comes to food. It’s not about who’s best at it; it’s about making positive interactions with food a part of your family culture.

How? My co-author, Dr. Yum, has a large teaching kitchen in her pediatric office where she teaches moms and dads how to “parent in the kitchen.” There, she teaches the 3 P’s: Plan, Prep and Prioritize.

Kids can help plan what the family will eat, shop, garden, and visit farmer’s markets. In fact, these family outings soon become the foundation for wellness, and everyone enjoys doing them together.

It doesn’t matter if one child is more hesitant to taste veggies and his big brother eats broccoli with gusto. Prioritizing healthy lifestyles can start with something as simple as a grocery list, and even a three-year-old can help with that. Now, that’s something to encourage!

5. Skip the ‘I Told You So’ Praise

While the parent’s intention is to offer encouragement, kids interpret this statement as “I was right, and you were wrong.”

The antidote:

Join in on his discovery that he actually likes a new food by teaming up to talk about the qualities of the food or about the food journey itself: “I like that too – it’s crunchy!” or “It took me a while to learn to like asparagus too, so I’m excited that we can try some new asparagus recipes together.”

Feeding specialist Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP and pediatrician Nimali Fernando, MD, MPH are the co-authors of Raising a Healthy, Happy Eater: A Stage by Stage Guide to Setting Your Child on the Path to Adventurous Eating (Oct. 2015) and the creators of ParentingInTheKitchen.com, where you can sign up for their newsletter offering more tips on kids, food and parenting in the kitchen.

1. Avoid Vague Praise Like ‘It’s Yummy!’

The antidote:

2. Don’t Praise Kids for Eating When They’re Just Hungry

The antidote:

3. Stop Labeling One Child as the “Adventurous Eater”

The antidote:

4. Avoid Comparing Siblings or Friends at Mealtimes

The antidote:

5. Skip the ‘I Told You So’ Praise

The antidote:

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