A strategically structured bedtime routine for kids can prevent power struggles and bedtime battles. Follow these 6 proven tips to help your child relax, fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer.
After a long day of adulting, getting through your bedtime routine for kids can feel impossible. The stalling, the “pleeeeease, just five more minutes,” and the full-on bedtime battles — it’s exhausting before the real rest even begins.
“All right, it’s time for bed,” you say, with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm.
“No, not yet! I’m not tired!”
“I hate bedtime!”
You knew instant compliance was wishful thinking, but you weren’t expecting war-time resistance. Your toddler is yawning, your 6-year-old is giggling like it’s a comedy hour, and your teen is blinking heavily at her video game — all clearly too tired to function.
The truth is, bedtime is prime time for power struggles. Everyone’s worn out, tempers are shorter, and chaos can spiral fast. That’s why having a strategically structured bedtime routine for kids — one that anticipates needs, minimizes distractions, and guides them toward calm — is far more effective than simply keeping the same schedule each night.
It may seem too simple, but these 6 expert-approved strategies can help your family wind down peacefully — and finally get the rest you deserve.
Jump To:
- Keep a Consistent Bedtime Routine for Kids
- Take Time for Training to Avoid Bedtime Routine Problems
- Anticipate Children’s Needs to Prevent Bedtime Battles
- Splurge on Quality Time to Reduce Bedtime Power Struggles
- Practice Gratitude for a Calmer Bedtime Routine for Kids
- Limit Technology Usage to Avoid Bedtime Challenges
- Final Thoughts on a Peaceful Bedtime Routine for Kids
1. Keep a Consistent Bedtime Routine for Kids
I get it–a routine can be super inconvenient in these crazy-busy lives of ours. We have school activities that run late, projects to tackle, and family movie nights that interfere with bedtime.
And that’s okay. For the occasional exception, like a Billie Eilish concert keeping our kids up late, some flexibility is necessary.
But although a routine can feel like a downer when everyone’s enjoying their evening, in reality…it can be a lifesaver. For those of us who haven’t already implemented a routine, it is the first step in combating bedtime battles.
Start by setting a reasonable bedtime that is the same every night, including on the weekends. Thanks to the circadian rhythm, a reliable schedule actually helps the body know when to fall asleep.
A consistent schedule has the added benefit of limiting a child’s pleas for a later bedtime. After all, the less we bend and budge, the less room they have to negotiate.
Watch my Today Show interview on how to create a strategically structured bedtime routine for kids that actually works.
Next, we can make activities leading up to bedtime orderly and consistent. A warm, soothing bath at the same time every day followed by books in bed is common for younger kids. For teenagers, it could be 9:00 PM when they start brushing their teeth, washing their faces, and lying in bed listening to music before lights out at 9:30 PM.
Certain repeated actions can trigger a body’s sleep response making it easier to get kiddos to cooperate. Just make sure that the actions follow good sleep hygiene, like doing something quiet and subdued. This kind of consistency is the backbone of any successful bedtime routine for kids.
When-Then Routine
When establishing a new routine, especially one less lenient, kids might rebel. They’ll test our boundaries to see if we’re really serious and try to delay the inevitable.
This is a great time to use a When-Then Routine.
This tool helps motivate kids to complete the more mundane parts of their bedtime routine they may dislike. For example, we can say:
“Connor, when you’ve flossed your teeth, then I can read you a bedtime story before lights are out at 8.”
Or: “Evie, when you’ve taken a shower, then you can read your book until lights out at 9.”
Our kids are ultimately in control of when they complete these tasks, which helps dispel a battle of wills. They’re also more likely to complete the tasks relatively quickly because they want to get to the things they enjoy; like getting tucked into bed or reading the latest vampire romance novel.
The then has nothing to do with a prize or a reward. It’s just something kids regularly enjoy more than other things like flossing. And that’s not hard to find.
Just like a consistent bedtime, When-Then becomes doubly powerful when it’s used routinely.
Knowing what to expect each night means more cooperation, turning the bedtime routine for kids into a calmer, power-struggle-free experience.
Note: If the child doesn’t complete the “when” part of the routine before bedtime, this doesn’t change the time the lights go out.
If they dilly-dally and don’t complete their tasks until 3 minutes before lights out, then you can simply say, “I’m sorry you didn’t get to read before bed tonight. I have faith you’ll be able to complete your routine tomorrow.”
To further back-up the cut-off for lights out, you can even utilize a tool like the Time Timer.
What we love about the Time Timer is it’s a VISUAL timer, not a simple countdown timer. Visual timers can help even the youngest kiddos conceptualize time in a more meaningful way than simply setting a timer on your phone or microwave.
And, once the clock starts, this reminds the kids that the routine–and time–are the boss.
2. Take Time for Training to Avoid Bedtime Routine Problems
A routine is a reliable solution, but for younger kids, especially, we can’t expect a perfectly performed routine without a little practice.
It’s easy for parents and kids alike to become frustrated when kids struggle or procrastinate with tasks–especially when we ourselves are getting ready for bed.
It’s also easy to forget that seemingly simple tasks may not be simple for our kids.
A two-year-old isn’t going to know how to put on her inside-out pajamas until we show her, step-by-step. If we overlook this, her whining and crying might translate into our own unhelpful aggravation and yelling.
A four-year-old isn’t going to correctly brush his teeth until we take the time to demonstrate round circles, soft strokes, spit… don’t forget the tongue! Otherwise, he might start crying when we ask him to “hurry up, please.” You get the picture.
If we take a little time upfront to teach our kids what we expect from them and what the new routine in our households will be, it will save us time and effort later.
Although it might be tempting, we shouldn’t give up and do things for our kids, either–even though it might be faster and easier.
With patience on both ends, our kids will eventually feel empowered by what they can do for themselves–and we’ll feel empowered, too.
Pro Tip: Want even more step-by-step help for smoother evenings? Our Curing the Bedtime Blues masterclass — included in the All-in-One Parenting Success System — walks you through simple, practical strategies to end bedtime battles for good.
3. Anticipate Children’s Needs to Prevent Bedtime Battles
Our children thrive on feeling significant and important. They want to matter–especially to us.
I always encourage parents to spend quality one-on-one time with each of their children individually. Ideally, this should be done every day for at least 10-15 minutes–doing something our kids want to do.
By providing this huge dose of positive attention proactively, you’ll drastically reduce the attention-seeking misbehaviors you see from your kids; like whining about bedtime or dragging it out with endless requests. In fact, this is the #1 thing I recommend to parents all the time for cutting back on misbehavior across the board!
Beyond that, there are so many anxieties that keep us all awake at night. A child’s anxiety may differ from ours, like an irrational fear of giant purple people-eaters, but some are also very real and just as terrifying, like the spread of the Coronavirus.
If we can give kids a good dose of tender love and care, it can work wonders for a child’s need for attention and a sense of security. An excellent opportunity to share that special time together is right before bed.
After all, happiness and fulfillment lead to better sleep and fewer bedtime routine problems for the whole family.
And while there’s nothing wrong with a parent vs. kids pillow fight now and again, keep in mind that energizing activities are ideally followed by calm ones.
4. Splurge on Quality Time to Reduce Bedtime Power Struggles
Your eyes are settling on the final chapter of your page-turner when you hear that familiar little voice in the next room.
“Mooooooom? Daaaaaad?”
You cringe a little, set the book down, and reluctantly say, “Yes, honey?”
“I’m scared. I can’t sleep.”
“Can you bring me a glass of water?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
Lately, this has been happening every night and you’re fed up with the pattern.
Many kids have fears at bedtime. Some are afraid of the dark, others of monsters, and many have bad nightmares and night terrors. Often, kids go to bed before they’re tired or when they’re overtired, and some like to stay up as late as possible regardless.
We can start by considering whether or not the bedtime we’ve set for our kids is too early or too late. Although kids need as much as 8-14 hours of sleep (depending on a child’s age and genetics), a bedtime that isn’t quite right works against everyone.
You might need to experiment to find the sweet-spot time for lights out–one that is most likely to get your child snoozing the soonest.
Next, we can proactively add the items that our kids are commonly requesting into the next evening’s routine.
“Carson, here’s a glass of water on your nightstand, just in case you get thirsty again tonight. Now, will you help me look in your closet for monsters? I know there aren’t any in there, but I want you to see for yourself. And let’s turn on your new nightlight!”
Small touches like these can turn bedtime challenges into peaceful moments.
If our children are still sending us on one bedtime quest after another, they are most likely seeking our attention.
If nightly requests and stall tactics are a regular struggle in your home, you’re not alone. These challenges often share the same root cause — and once you understand it, you can address bedtime battles and other daily power struggles more effectively.
5. Practice Gratitude to Create a Calmer Bedtime Routine for Kids
Much like feeling loved and significant, kids that focus on things they’re happy about or thankful for before bed have an easier time falling asleep.
We can encourage a teenager to keep a journal on his nightstand and write down three good things that happen each day at school.
We can cuddle a 4-year-old and ask her what her roses and thorns were that day; the roses being her favorite experiences, the thorns her least favorite. Then, we can put extra emphasis on the roses.
Positive thoughts can improve anyone’s life. Even if it begins by getting a better night’s sleep, that small difference can make an impact the next day, and the next. With so many things in the world outside of our control, the way we perceive and manage our thoughts to our advantage–which is within our control–is crucial.
Just like with routine and tasks, regular gratitude takes some training. But if we teach our kids to focus on the haves instead of the have-nots, they might just fall asleep with smiles on their faces.
6. Limit Technology Usage to Avoid Bedtime Challenges
With the invention of the light bulb, a large quantity of the world population started staying up later than usual. Now it’s television, iPads, and iPhones keeping us up well into the night.
We’re so addicted to lights, screens, and technology that we even bring our phones into bed with us.
Screen time right before bed is extremely harmful in many ways. It alerts a part of the brain, making our minds assume it’s still daytime.
It means we’re tempted to watch scary movies or read the news right before bed (both of which can be equally disturbing). Children with screens in their rooms have access to all of this and more.
Despite establishing internet controls, just staying up late playing games or having an emotional conversation with a BFF can cause kids stress and sleeplessness.
Even for teens, many of which have a biological tendency to stay up later, allowing them screen-time two hours or less before bed can rob them of sleep.
Limiting technology is hard at first. It will cause arguments, which of course we want to avoid. But standing firm on this commitment will eventually eliminate bargaining and late-night screen time dangers.
Note: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, please refer to the Battle-Tested Blueprint: Technology Survival Plan to learn how to set appropriate limits around technology that the whole family can agree on–kids included!
Final Thoughts on a Peaceful Bedtime Routine for Kids
If you’re still reading this, chances are that bedtime in your house hasn’t been a walk in the park.
Starting tonight, I encourage you to give these strategies a try and see what wonders they work on your nocturnal wannabes.
Most families nowadays need a lot less chaos and a lot more sleep. Enforcing a good bedtime routine for kids will help avoid power struggles, reduce bedtime battles, and bring a healthier balance to our lives.
I truly believe reliable rest and relaxation are in your future. And those under-eye circles you’ve been trying to hide? They’ll be gone before you know it.
So go on now, and get those kids to bed. Your favorite shows are waiting.
You’re not alone–bedtime battles are just one of the many power struggles that families face.
In my free online introductory class you’ll discover the surprising reasons these challenges happen and learn proven strategies to prevent them — not just at bedtime, but throughout the day.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: What is the best bedtime routine for kids?
The best bedtime routine for kids is consistent, calm, and predictable. Aim for the same bedtime every night, followed by relaxing activities like a bath, brushing teeth, reading together, and lights out. The key is to keep the order the same so kids know exactly what to expect.
Q: How do I stop bedtime battles with my child?
To stop bedtime battles, set a consistent schedule, use tools like the When-Then Routine, and anticipate your child’s needs ahead of time. Giving kids some choice in their routine and spending quality time before bed can reduce resistance.
Q: What if my child keeps getting out of bed?
If your child repeatedly gets out of bed, calmly and consistently return them without engaging in arguments. Make sure their needs (water, bathroom, comfort) are met before lights out, and reinforce that bedtime is not negotiable.
