Posts Tagged power struggles

Temper Tantrums

Three Tips to Stop Temper Tantrums

temper tantrumsIn our last blog post, we looked at the three mistakes parents make when trying to manage their children’s occasionally volcanic temper tantrums. (View the previous post HERE).

Now that you know what not to do, how do we stop little Alexis as she unleashes her next natural disaster of a temper tantrum–whether she’s a pre-schooler demanding a new toy from the store or a teenager crying for the keys to the family car? Read More

Child Tantrums

Child Tantrums: Top Three Mistakes Parents Make

child tantrumsEver feel like you live with a volcano? And at the slightest misstep—for instance, serving a side of green beans for dinner instead of cheese puffs—the child tantrums begin as your child spews hot ash (or emit glass-breaking screams while kicking the wall hard enough to leave a mark) all over the house?

Whether you’re dealing with toddlers that refuse to wear clothes or teens that won’t do their homework, the emotion-filled explosion known as child tantrums are unmistakable—but it can be avoided. In this two-part series, we’ll take a look at the “why’s” of child tantrums, and give you some hope—through strategies you can put to use right away—that your child doesn’t always have to erupt into a meltdown every time you say the word, “no.” Read More

Nixing Negativity Part 2: Promoting the Positive

nixingpart2

In Part 1 of this series, I discussed the power of ditching the “don’t.”

This less-than-helpful word can be discouraging and confusing to kids when they hear it all the time, plus it only reinforces the bad behavior.

While it’s fine to say “no” and “don’t” sometimes, you’ll get more cooperation from your kids if you can avoid them.

Use these four strategies to cut back on the negatives and promote the positives:

  1. Tell your kids what to DO. Start switching each “don’t” to a “do.” Instead of reminding your child, “Don’t track mud all over the floor!” try, “Please take off your shoes before coming into the house!” Swap, “Don’t chew on your sister’s
    Lego’s,” with, “Please keep those out of your mouth.”
  2. Just say “Yes!” While it’s quicker and easier to reply, “No,” when your child asks to go to the library while you’re knee-deep in closet re-organization, try substituting a, “Yes, that sounds great. I can take you later this afternoon
    or tomorrow morning–which would you prefer?”

    Replace, “No, you can’t go out and play. You haven’t finished your homework!” with, “You bet, you can play with your friends when you’ve finished your homework.”

  3. Say thank-you in advance. Help your kids make an appropriate choice by taking this leap of faith. Your, “Thank you for hanging up your towel after your shower,” will encourage your kids toward good behavior much more than, “I better
    not see your towel on the floor again!”

    Another example: “Thank you for keeping all four chair legs on the floor,” will go over better than, “You’ll break your neck if you keep leaning back on your chair like that!”

  4. Practice the positive through role-play. The most effective way to learn how to behave in a variety of situations is through proper training. Decide what kind of behavior you’d like your child to use (anything from taking turns to
    addressing adults respectfully to making his bed properly), and then practice it in a low-pressure situation.

    Role-playing with dolls or action figures will get younger kids excited, while a conversation (not a lecture) will help get older kids on board.

Making these changes to your communication style will require some effort on your part but the payoff will be worth it.

Your kids will feel more encouraged, they’ll develop a positive, empowered perception of themselves and you’ll enjoy better cooperation all around.

Looking for NO-YELLING strategies to get more cooperation from your kids?  Join us for our FREE online class: How to Get Your Kids to LISTEN Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling. Find upcoming dates and times here.

Toddler Tantrums

Tired of Toddler Tantrums? Know the type of tantrum you’re dealing with!

toddler tantrumsThere are two types of toddler tantrums. The first type is displayed by the child who has been dragged around all day running errands, has missed naptime and is feeling “trapped” by the confinement of a stroller. The child who “loses it” at the end of such a day probably just needs a hug in the moment and desperately needs for her parents to recognize and respect her need for routine and structure during the day.

The second type of toddler tantrum is a display of power and is used by the child to manipulate the parents into giving into the child’s demands. This type of tantrum might be a public meltdown in the grocery store, a verbal tirade or stomping away in a “huff” and slamming the door. The child is digging in his heels and saying, “you can’t make me” or “you had better give in, or else”. (The “or else” is the tantrum!)

As frustrating and maddening as toddler tantrums can be, they do “make sense” when we see it from the child’s perspective. The child is trying to get her way and she’s learned from past experience that having a total meltdown usually works! The next time toddler tantrums occur – remember these two key points:

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How To Get Kids To Eat Healthy

Ice Cream, Pizza, and Cookies – Oh My! How To Get Kids To Eat Healthy

How To Get Kids To Eat HealthyHow to get kids to eat healthy? Let’s face it: sweet and savory will always win out over green and leafy when it comes to foods our kids will willingly eat. We want the best nutrition for our kids, but our daily pleas to “Eat your vegetables” seem to fall on deaf ears, or – worse yet – result in a tantrum or other power struggle.  Can we really convince our children to make smart food choices and eat healthy without seeming like a wicked witch?

Yes!  Here’s how to get kids to eat healthy (without unleashing any flying monkeys) by using these three tips:
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Playing to Prevent Power Struggles

Kids playing independently!  Parents celebrate when kids will finally play on their own or with a sibling.  Finally – a few minutes of breathing room for mom and dad to get some things done around the house! Independent play is important for your child’s development and should be encouraged, however, playing WITH your kids on a daily basis will do you and your kids a world of good.  It will even fend off some of the most frustrating power struggles.

Playing WITH your kids doesn’t have to be elaborate or take a lot of time. It can be as simple as throwing a ball or role-playing with dolls or action figures.  “Playing” with a teenager can be a game of backgammon, UNO, or a round of Wii Golf.  “Playing” is what ever your CHILD likes to do for fun. Read More