In our last blog post, we looked at the three mistakes parents make when trying to manage their children’s occasionally volcanic temper tantrums. (View the previous post HERE).
Now that you know what not to do, how do we stop little Alexis as she unleashes her next natural disaster of a temper tantrum–whether she’s a pre-schooler demanding a new toy from the store or a teenager crying for the keys to the family car? Read More →
Ever feel like you live with a volcano? And at the slightest misstep—for instance, serving a side of green beans for dinner instead of cheese puffs—the child tantrums begin as your child spews hot ash (or emit glass-breaking screams while kicking the wall hard enough to leave a mark) all over the house?
Whether you’re dealing with toddlers that refuse to wear clothes or teens that won’t do their homework, the emotion-filled explosion known as child tantrums are unmistakable—but it can be avoided. In this two-part series, we’ll take a look at the “why’s” of child tantrums, and give you some hope—through strategies you can put to use right away—that your child doesn’t always have to erupt into a meltdown every time you say the word, “no.” Read More →
A few weeks ago a question was asked on our Facebook page as to how to deal with your teen’s verbally abusive boss. This was a great question that I felt warranted an entire post to cover. The result of which is below. Thanks!
You left the footnote off the month-end accounting report again, and your boss is managing everything except her temper. As an adult, you may be able to shrug it off, but what about when your teen burns the French fries on her Friday night shift, and her boss flips his lid? Unfortunately, some bosses don’t take their teenage employees as seriously as they should, and can turn constructive criticism into verbal abuse at the drop of a salt shaker. And when your teen is at the receiving end of a long string of swear words, it might be time for a career change.
Although our teens will be out on their own very soon, it’s still our job to offer plenty of support as they enter the working world. Teaching positive job skills and professionalism now will really help them down the road as they advance from car washer to computer engineer. And one of the first lessons should be how to deal with a tough boss–and when to say enough is enough. Read More →
Are morning routines in your house already getting the best of you?
Instead of nagging, reminding or yelling your way through the morning schedule, consider implementing “When-Then Routines.”
A When-Then Routine is a tool to help your kids stay motivated to get everything done in the morning—even the “yucky” stuff like brushing teeth and getting dressed. It structures your morning so that all the not-so-fun tasks are completed before the most desirable part of the morning like breakfast (or morning playtime, TV time, etc.).
Your family’s when-then routine, which you create in advance, might sound like, “When you’re dressed, your hair is combed, the bed is made, and your backpack and lunch box are by the door, then breakfast will be served – but remember, the kitchen closes at 6:45!”
Read More →
When I mention “date night” to my husband, he gets a very happy look on his face! In this article, I’m talking about a different kind of date – one between you and your child.
I encourage you to “schedule dates” with your children on a regular basis. A “date” is defined as a “one-on-one outing between parent and child.”
That’s ONE parent and ONE child. The benefits to date nights/days with your kids are as follows:
A date night doesn’t have to be elaborate or cost a lot of money. It can be going to a park or taking a hike.
There are only three “requirements” for your date night/day:
Today (Friday), Brent and I are going on a date to Sbarro for lunch (his fav) and to the new LEGO store at our local mall! (He has birthday money burning a hole in his wallet!)
I sent him this silly “email invitation” earlier this week:
Dear Brent,
I would be honored if you would join me on Friday, July 10th for lunch at Sbarro and a trip to the new Lego Store at Crabtree Mall.
Can we make it a date?
Please RSVP if you can attend.
Cordially yours, Your loving mother
Here was his response to my invitation:
Totally with a capital T, I can’t wait!
And another email yesterday:
Hi Mommy,
I can’t wait for tomorrow. It’s going to be a blast. Thanks for taking me.
Love, Brent
I encourage you to plan a date with each of your children. If you have several children – have one date per week and rotate them throughout the month. Your kids will love it and you will be creating memories they will keep forever!
When you were young and imagined what life would be like with kids, what did you picture?
If you’re like me, you envisioned playing games with them, taking family adventures, and teaching them how to ride a bike.
You imagined laughter shared around a dinner table and snuggles at bedtime.
You imagined reading books together and sharing heartfelt conversations.
But then, children arrived.
And somewhere between our perpetual exhaustion and unending frustration with their misbehaviors, those idyllic dreams of parenthood flew right out the window.
And instead of looking forward to playing a game at the end of the day with our kids, we LONG for bedtime and a minute to ourselves.
So instead of being excited to play with them, we are overjoyed when our children are able to play independently or play nicely with a sibling.
Breathing room! A few minutes to yourself!
FREEDOM (well, almost).
I get it! I’ve walked in those exhausted shoes! And it IS a wonderful thing when kids are independent enough to play on their own. And, it’s important for their development.
What’s also important, however, is to make sure we play WITH our kids on a daily basis.
You know…eye-to-eye, on the floor, forgetting about your to-do list, not having another care in the world except having fun with your child.
“Play” is whatever your child likes to do for fun. Toddler time can be tossing a ball, finger painting, or breaking out the blocks. Teen time might be a round of Uno, a turn at an Xbox game, or playing catch in the backyard.
Much of the daily interaction between parents and kids consists of “ordering, correcting, and directing.”
Drink your milk.
It’s time to take your bath.
Stop hitting your sister.
(Fill in your favorite here.)
When parents order, correct, and direct, they are operating from the “Parent Ego State” (telling someone else what to do) and this type of interaction often invites the “fight” response in our kids, resulting in power struggles.
When parents play on the floor and have fun with their kids – both the parent and child are operating in the “Child Ego State.” The child ego state is where emotional connections are made.
It doesn’t require a long time to create emotional bonds – but being INTENTIONAL about spending playtime each day with your child in the “child ego state” will do wonders for strengthening emotional connections. You’ll also create memories you’ll both treasure forever.
When parents play WITH their children, they proactively fill the child’s attention basket in positive ways.
Children have a hard-wired need for attention. If parents don’t provide sufficient POSITIVE attention, children will resort to negative behaviors to get it such as whining, clinging, helplessness, sibling fighting, etc.
When parents implement consistent playtime WITH their children – attention-seeking misbehaviors begin to fall off the radar screen!
As parents fill attention baskets in positive ways and emotional connection increases, children consistently become MORE COOPERATIVE at other times during the day!
When the child’s core emotional requirements for connection and attention are met, he or she doesn’t feel the need to “fight us” to get negative attention and is more cooperative when asked to do things throughout the day. Now that’s a beautiful thing!
Life gets busy – sometimes crazy busy – and it feels like there’s not enough time left in the day to get it all done – playtime included.
What I can promise you though…is that when you take just 15 minutes a day to fill up those emotional buckets for your kids – you’ll actually have MORE time, because you’ll be saving yourself from power struggles, sibling battles, chore wars, and the rest!
How’s that for a win-win?
Fostering the habit of playing with your children is a great first step in changing your child’s behavior. But trust me, I know it’s not a cure-all for the wide range of frustrating behaviors you may be experiencing.
That’s exactly why I create the Positive Parenting Solutions Course and filled it with 37+ tools to help parents handle even the trickiest power struggles.
If you don’t know where to begin on this positive parenting journey, I’d love for you to JOIN ME FOR A FREE ONLINE CLASS. In just one hour, I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen — no nagging, yelling, or reminding required.
As always, I’m wishing you all the best on your parenting journey, and I’m here for you whenever you need it!
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