What Can You Do Instead of Yelling?
First, let’s take a deep breath. If you’re like me, you’re guilty of attempting all three discipline strategies mentioned above. I remember feeling absolutely out of control in situations like the one in the grocery store.
You are not alone in this parenting journey. Please know the suggestions I’m about to offer you are battle-tested techniques and have helped thousands of families curb the yelling in their homes.
One of the fatal flaws in the discipline options mentioned above is they are all REACTIVE strategies. When parents only use reactive discipline techniques–time-out, counting to three, consequences, yelling–there are several implications:
- Parents are exhausted because REACTIVE parenting drains our energy much faster than proactive parenting.
- We never understand and treat the ROOT of the misbehavior because we are so focused on STOPPING the misbehavior in the moment.
- If we only react to situations we increase the likelihood we will yell because we aren’t equipped with more effective tools.
Strategy #1: MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® Connection (MBST)
The most effective proactive parenting technique that serves as the crux to everything I teach is MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® togetherness or MBST.
I encourage parents to spend 10-15 uninterrupted minutes of one-on-one time every day with each child. During this time, children call the shots–play a game of their choosing, sing karaoke to their favorite song, have an impromptu dance party, build an epic fort in the living room or simply read their favorite book.
By filling up your kid’s attention and power baskets in these 10 minutes, you ward off future misbehaviors–and thereby decrease the times you’d be prompted to yell.
Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review Step 1 to learn the ins and outs of MBST and also see the advanced module, “The Busy Parent’s Guide to Mind, Body, and Soul Time.”
Strategy #2: No Yelling Consequences
This proactive strategy is incredibly effective with kids 2.5 and older. There is so much to learn about No Yelling Consequences–so much, in fact, I created an entire FREE webinar on the topic.
To implement consequences in a meaningful way, you need to be clear about your expectations and ensure the consequence is related to the misbehavior. When children understand ahead of time what consequence will be put in place if they make a wrong choice AND that consequence is related to the misbehavior, there won’t be a need to yell.
By using the 5 R’s formula, your child will already know the consequence of their actions and you’ll be able to enforce it in a calm and effective way.
Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, refer to Session 3, Lessons 25 and 26 to review the different types of consequences and how to implement them effectively.
Strategy #3: Connect and Empathize
While proactive parenting greatly reduces the likelihood of outbursts, the truth is, we still need tools for IN THE MOMENT.
So imagine, you’ve filled your son’s attention bucket proactively, but he still loses it in the candy aisle. Now what?
Instead of losing your cool, try to connect. Empathize with his feelings–“Wow, I know those Skittles are delicious and I can tell you’d really like some.” or “I know how hard it is when you really want something you can’t have.”
Your connection in this moment helps your son know you’re on his team. And sure, he still might throw a fit all the way through the store, but he will learn two things:
- When you say no, it means no.
- Even though you said no, you still love him and care about his big emotions.
Strategy #4: Whisper
Do you want to know what’s better than yelling EVERY. TIME? Whispering, that’s what.
When your child’s frustration and voice goes high, you go low…so low the only way he can hear you is to actually be quiet.
Everyone likes to hear secrets and your child is no different. By whispering your response to his Skittles request or by telling him a silly little secret to distract from his meltdown, whispering has incredible benefits:
- It actually brings YOUR heart rate down making you less likely to yell in anger.
- It calms the energy of the entire situation down and encourages your child to listen.
Final Thoughts
You can do this! Your yelling days (like mine) can be a thing of the past if you equip yourself with an arsenal of tools to use instead.
The greatest difference between parents who yell and parents who don’t is simply knowledge. When you are adequately prepared to handle difficult parenting situations, you won’t NEED to yell.
That’s the beauty of the online course I created–I give you step-by-step instructions, scripts, and resources to guide you through even the most difficult power struggles. Oh, sweet friend, once you have those tools in your wheelhouse, you will be unflappable.
Trust me, you can become the parent you always knew you could be. I’d be honored if you’d JOIN ME FOR A FREE ONLINE CLASS.
I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen–no nagging, yelling or reminding required.
I’m cheering you on in this parenting journey, and just remember, we are always here for you when you need us!
