parenting

Sibling Squabbles

A Campaign for Family Harmony: 3 Steps to End Sibling Squabbles

sibling squabbles

Hurtful attacks, name-calling, downright nastiness—why are the kids starting to sound like politicians? Election time may mean endless political arguing and attack ads invading our homes. But that doesn’t mean kids should be taking cues from the candidates. How do we prevent sibling squabbles when there’s so much discord around them?

Fortunately, no multi-million dollar campaign is needed to win this battle. By simply changing a few of our parenting techniques, we can help end sibling squabbles.
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Positive Playdates for All! Part 2

Part 2: The Play

2 kids playing on an easel

The doorbell rings. If you’ve read Part 1 of Positive Playdates, you’ve set the stage for a fun playdate–that is, until the bejeweled princess crown simply can’t be shared, or Little Sister won’t stop turning the Lego forts into fairy houses. In fact, the toughest thing about hosting a happy playdate doesn’t have anything to do with making a peanut-free snack or keeping muddy footprints outside–it’s practicing positive pint-sized friendships.
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Positive Playdates for All! – Part 1

Part 1: The Setup

2 kids playing on an easel

It’s playdate time! Your child may be excited, but all you can think about is last time, when it took two days to scrub away all the tiny green fingerprints from your living room. What to do with a couple of five-year-olds whose imagination is only exceeded by their energy? And what about safety, and sharing? Relax. With a few simple strategies, you can host a playdate that everyone enjoys–and keep your house intact, too.
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Spanking from a Child’s Perspective

To spank or not to spank. It’s a passionately debated topic among parents. Regardless of where you fall on the spank-no spank continuum, I encourage you to read this story by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking, which describes physical punishment from the child’s perspective.
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When Rewards Become Expected -What Are You Teaching?

Here’s a question we often field from parents:

“Should we continue to REWARD positive behavior once that behavior becomes “expected?”

That’s not a one-stop-shop answer.

Here’s the first part of the answer:

Ditch the rewards!  I encourage you to STOP USING REWARDS as a way to motivate behavior. Truly.

Rewards like stickers, candy, money, or treats for positive behaviors create an uncomfortable, problem-laced “what’s in it for me” attitude.” If that’s not bad enough, there’s an ever-growing body of research that spotlights that using rewards actually
DECREASES the child’s interest in continuing that behavior.

So – what to do?

Here’s an idea: Instead of using external REWARDS – use ENCOURAGEMENT!

The difference? External rewards create a dependence on the reward for the child to continue the behavior.  As the parent, you’ll have to continually dangle the latest and greatest carrot to keep the good stuff going.

Encouragement motivates children from the “inside” and helps them feel capable and empowered.

Think conversations like:

Wow – you’re getting more independent every day!

You are really growing up and showing us how much you can do all by yourself.

I know you’ve worked on that and it shows!  

The research by Alfie Kohn and others show that conversations that focus on effort, improvement and progress towards a goal create and sustain INTERNAL motivation. Long-term growth. Real change.

As opposed to external REWARDS, which categorically show that when the reward goes away – so does the motivation for the behavior.

Part two of the question… 

“What about when the behavior becomes “expected” – is encouragement still required?”

The answer is “YES!!!!!!!”

Even when behaviors are “expected” or “routine” – everyone wants to feel appreciated and encouraged. Think of using statements such as:

I really appreciate how much you do to help the family.

When you do _____, that’s one job that I don’t have to do.

I love how we are all working together as a family.

There is magic in those words.

They provide the reinforcement your child needs to stick with those positive actions or behaviors.  But, they also contribute to his or her sense of personal power and connection within your family.

Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Kids, partners, friends, family members – we all thrive on encouragement. Use it liberally. It is an extraordinary lesson to teach our children by example.

Ever struggle to get your kids to do their chores or homework without resorting to threats or bribes? 

Join Amy McCready for a FREE online class: Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling

It will be the best hour you spend all month!

Summer Schooling: Making learning fun when school’s out!

Facebook Fans Share Fun Learning Strategies for the Last Few Weeks of Summer

ImageNo early alarm clocks, no lunches to pack and no pop quizzes–school’s out! But that doesn’t mean the end of learning. Between games of pick-up basketball with the neighbor kids and Barbie swimming parties, your kids can keep up with their studies through fun, simple summer learning opportunities. Not only will your kids discover the world around them, but they’ll get back up to speed more quickly once school’s back in session. Read More