Are morning routines in your house already getting the best of you?
Instead of nagging, reminding or yelling your way through the morning schedule, consider implementing “When-Then Routines.”
A When-Then Routine is a tool to help your kids stay motivated to get everything done in the morning—even the “yucky” stuff like brushing teeth and getting dressed. It structures your morning so that all the not-so-fun tasks are completed before the most desirable part of the morning like breakfast (or morning playtime, TV time, etc.).
Your family’s when-then routine, which you create in advance, might sound like, “When you’re dressed, your hair is combed, the bed is made, and your backpack and lunch box are by the door, then breakfast will be served – but remember, the kitchen closes at 6:45!”
If your kids show up to the table in pajamas with their hair a mess, you can smile and calmly say, “When everything in your morning routine is finished, then we’ll have breakfast.” Then simply walk away so you’re not available for whining or negotiating.
The second component of a successful When-Then morning routine is putting your child in charge of the routine – make it her job, not yours, to get through the schedule on time. Give your child a checklist (in pictures or words) on a clipboard and let her manage her own tasks. Kids as young as 4-years-old can wake themselves up with an alarm clock and complete the routine on their own.
Remember, your When-Then Routine is structured in a way to motivate your little one to get the yucky stuff done. If she dawdles through the morning routine, she may not have time for breakfast, playtime or TV time. Don’t worry, your child won’t starve to death if she misses breakfast, but rest assured she’ll be motivated to get through the routine quickly the next morning.
Putting your child in charge of the routine without nagging, reminding and yelling from you will yield much better results and give her a sense of independence and accomplishment.
So, how can we help you?
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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
This so something that I have done just from trial and error and this is exactly what I found to work for our family. They get everything else done first, then we eat. If they don’t have enough time to eat, then that is their fault. And you know what, it works!!
It is a powerful tool that does work for a lot of us. Thanks for commenting Christy!
I eat directly when I wake up. My kids have always eaten when they first get up and they wake up very hungry. They have never been able to cope if they are hungry. I can’t see the breakfast strategy working. How much of my kids not being able to cope without food is a learned behaviour?
Great comment Christy. If you are having a lot of morning routine issues, you may want to switch things up and do breakfast after getting dressed to see how it works. If clothes and backpacks are all ready to go, see how long it takes them when they know breakfast is waiting. The need to eat might work in your favor and help your morning move along a lot quicker. But as with all tools, sometimes they need to be modified to fit each families special needs or schedules. Give it a try and see how it helps. Thanks again for commenting!
Thanks for you reply Amy,
We eat right when we get up and we don’t have too much trouble getting us out the door. (I am the only on in our house who has a hard time waking up!! I always have. ) I am very curious to know if it is possible for my children to be able to cope without meltdowns when they are hungry? Are there three types of kids: the type who can’t cope hungry, they type who can’t cope when they are hungry but have been trained to push through it, and the kids who can function fine when they are hungry? (I guess the heart of my question is do my kids need better training?)
Breakfast is too important a meal to be used as a bargaining chip or some sort of leverage for kids’ behavior. The principle holds, however, if there’s some special activity before walking out the door, like time to sit quietly together to read a book. Of course, that might require getting up an extra 10 or 15 minutes early, and would also require a lot of discipline on the part of the parent(s).
Thanks Laura for commenting! I do totally agree, breakfast is very important. Which is why it is such a powerful consequence (versus bargaining chip) in the morning routine. If the tool works as it should, your kids should only miss breakfast once or twice before they alter their morning routine to ensure they don’t ever miss it again. That being said, some kids don’t care that much about breakfast. So just as you mentioned if you have an equally powerful consequence that works and is part of the normal morning routine, use it.
Thanks again!
I disagree… If we did this my kids just would say fine im not hungry and then be monsters by first break. We try to get them to pick out their clothes the night before which helps.
As I mentioned in a previous comment Pam, if you can find another powerful consequence in your morning routine (instead of breakfast) to use than feel free to try that as well. Morning playtime, TV time, something that is part of the morning routine. Thanks for commenting and good luck!
I have found that this does work. My daughter did have to grab a granola bar as we left for school instead of getting a full breakfast. She did not starve and as a result of being hungry before lunch time realized the importance of getting read quickly.
Great! Thanks Callie for sharing and I’m glad the tool is working for you!
I’m sure this works but I eat breakfast the minute I roll out of bed, it’s what gets me going in the mornings. I also feed my kids first thing while they’re still in pjs or else their clothes for the day would be dirty before they even left the house. I also don’t agree w using breakfast as a bargaining tool. It’s the most important meal of the day. On that note, we do have a checklist for our 4yo to follow at bedtime & in the mornings. He hates having to leave the house in pjs or w no shoes so its helpful to keep him on track so he’s fully clothed before leaving the house. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still some nagging at times but it helps reduce the amount. Also having all clothes, bags, lunches, etc. ready the night before is helpful.
Thanks Jenny for commenting! You can always try this tool with something other than breakfast if your looking to tighten up the morning routine. Morning playtime, TV time, or anything else that is part of the morning routine that can be the consequence. The checklist can work wonders in itself so you are certainly off to a great start!
Toddlers need to get out the door on time as well, and while “when-then” does work in other situations, this is not one of them. They could care less about breakfast, but as another has mentioned, if they don’t eat first, they are a mess.
This can very true Cathleen! As I mentioned in reply to someone else’s comment, sometimes tools need to be modified to fit the family and child. Try using your when-then for TV time, playtime or any other part of the morning routine your toddler does care about missing out on.
Good luck and thanks for reading and commenting. 
Breakfast does not have to be the item they miss out on if they can’t complete their routine. When my kids are fully dressed, teeth brushed, and their lunches and backpacks are ready to go then they may watch 10 or 15 minutes of a TV show if there is still time before we leave at 7:50. We don’t watch a lot of TV so this is a treat. It works really well and if they miss out on some TV it doesn’t bother me a bit.
This is a perfect example of modifying the when-then to make it work for you! Nice job and thanks for commenting.
Both my kids don’t mind missing breakfast. I do know my son would love watching tv if he manage to get ready earlier than the schedule time. It really works for him. On the other hand, my daughter is more difficult to manage…she seems to not care for the consequences…takes everything slowly…dream a bit..Guess I gotta work harder on her
I will be able to find her weakness. Wish me luck 
Thanks Elaine for taking the time to comment. As I mentioned in some of the previous comments, sometimes you need to modify these tools to work for your child and you are exactly right, discovering the part of the morning routine that she doesn’t want to miss is the way to do it. You’re on your way to stress free mornings, I know it!
We also need our breakfast first thing and we are “business only” in the morning. If we have 15 minutes to watch TV before school starts at 8am, then we should have slept in for 15 more minutes! But we’ve put more emphasis on preparation the night before. As I type my kids are making their lunches and when they finish by a certain time, we will read our book together before bed time.
Melanie, it sounds like you got your morning down! Good for you! Thanks so much for sharing.
I will definitely give this a try. I have already noticed that whenever I make the kids responsible for something, it seems to work. My morning routine is already set up this way, but the kitchen never closes, they sometimes take their breakfast with them in the car. I am positive that this will work. Thanks for the helpful post.
You’re welcome Mirjam and thank you for reading! It’s amazing how much our kids can surprise us when we give theme some extra responsibility.
I do like the whole idea and all the comments and although this would work for my 10,6, 2 year old my 8 year old son struggles to wake up and is very slow in the mornings, that keeps all off us back with starting home school and the rest off the day’s routine. please help?
Without knowing the specifics of your home school schedule, I would suggest starting without him. If he misses breakfast, then he will have to wait until snack or lunch to eat, as well as miss whatever relaxing morning activities occur before school starts (TV time, reading time, playtime). This could also mean being behind the rest of the kids for daily activities, possibly missing afternoon break or staying in and finishing the daily school while the others finish their day and go out to play. Again, this is just suggesting without knowing the specifics of your routine. But one or two days like what I just described could push him to start getting up earlier and getting going sooner so as not to miss out. Good luck and thanks for commenting Jacqueline!
My daughter (7) is always very tired in the morning, she clearly has an internal clock that has her wide awake at night (with trouble falling asleep), and then she has a very hard time to wake up in the morning. Most often she’s not all that interested in breakfast, and we end up having to carry her from her bed to the couch and then feed her breakfast and even putting on her clothes for her…. We have big fights and we are often late for school (starts at 8.10). It’s all very frustrating, and her little brother (4) starts to take after her behaviour. Could we use this tool in some way to get our morning routine on track?
Thank you in advance!
Johanna, my child was wide awake at night AND wide awake in the morning but his behavior was awful throughout the day. I would suggest moving up bedtime even earlier. We ended up having to move our 5 y.o bedtime up an hour. (now 7:30) and has found this has helped tons for us. We did’t do it overnight. We started moving it up in 15 min increments and no longer have a “wide awake” child at night. He goes to bed SO much quicker now with this bedtime. We maintained the same routine as well, we just start it earlier. He now asks if he can go to bed sometimes when we loose track of time and haven’t started it yet or if he is sick. He NEVER did that before even when sick.
Thanks Johanna for commenting! First of all I would examine the night time routine, and see if maybe attempting an even earlier bedtime routine might help. The THEN part of the routine you implement could be the relaxing on the couch time or breakfast. Warn her that if she doesn’t get up on time, she won’t have time to relax in the couch before school, or eat breakfast, or get dressed (dressing herself of course). Have her get in the car in pajamas and all, and have her get dressed herself in the car outside school (I wouldn’t suggest sending her to school in PJs). This may not be pleasant for her, but I’m guessing one or two times and she’ll decide to get up a little earlier and welcome the chance to eat and get dressed at home. I dive into this more in the course and in my book. Good luck!
Thank you for the advice, will implement and give feedback!
Thanks and I hope it helps!
Thanks Amy,
Great.
You’re welcome!
Wow! I am shocked by the amount comments that are leaning more towards the negative side of this tool! C’mon guys surly we are all capable of using these tools as a guideline, and we are all entilted to our own personal beliefs. If a particular detail doesn’t work for your family then I’m sure we could find one that does… Amy your email reminders are an inspiration, please keep them coming!!
Thanks Jody!
I just started reading your book. One of the “playdates” (we call are calling individual time w/ parents in our home) is the morning playdate with dad. Our 5 y.o son was getting up really early (6 -6:30am) with dad and now we decided to make that a positive time for his playdate with dad when mom is getting ready for the day and baby brother is still sleeping. Dad stands in the kitchen drinking his morning coffee before work and 5 y.o. sits at the counter eating his breakfast and they have the best time before everyone else is up and about and before dad has to be at work at 7am. It’s working!
But this suggestion would now sabbotage the playdate. I could see eliminating tv time at 7-7:30 as leverage but not breakfast. Plus, waiting for breakfast to be the last thing also isn’t realistic because of the need to have teeth brushed. Not brushing teething isn’t an option since he’s already had to have go under anesthesia at the hospital to have 5 cavities filled and $2000 later (after insurance).
Dawn, Sounds like your MBST is working perfectly, so don’t change it! Every tool can be adapted to what works with each family. And if you’re not struggling in the morning to get out the door ready and on time, then there is no reason to change a thing!
But if you aren’t then certainly try TV-Time or some other part of the morning to use that works for you. 
Your comment about the cavities is a perfect point, and in my book I go into more detail about how to find natural consequences that work (which cavities is NOT one of. LOL) 
My daughter (11) sleeps through the alarm. I need some other way to wake her up. If breakfast doesn’t work then I find something else to motivate her. Like not playing with her kitten until she is ready for the day.
Try opening her blinds, turning on some light music and the lights a few minutes before she needs to wake up so that she can wake up gradually, but still wake up. Also, playtime with the kitten is a PERFECT “Then” part of the When-Then routine. Thanks so much Diane!
Just to jump on the bandwagon. I can wheedle, cajole, urge, remonstrate, complain, threaten, ask, plead, beg, explain, or order my son to eat because we have to leave soon, but it never works. Then I set a timer for ten minutes and say “when the timer sounds, the food goes away.” You should see the food move speedily into mouth! (After proving once, of course, that it would really happen.)
Thanks for sharing Erik, and isn’t so true?
Greetings,
i am drowning
i have a hard time getting my son dressed and brushing his teeth in the morning,
he is only two years and three months old
i do not know what i am doing wrong
sometimes i try to dress him while he is still sleeping to avoid the fight over it
if there is anything i can do let me know
Hello Hadeel! Please try some of the tools mentioned in this article and see how they help! Good luck!
Fantastic tool,
Has worked very well for my 7 year old.
Oh good – glad to hear it was successful!
Breakfast is a horrible thing to “bargain” with. My kids don’t eat well and if I use it as a bargaining tool, they will just say “I’m not hungry” and I REALLY need them to eat (sometimes my son will go all day without eating, his lunch comes back 90% of the time) They get up, eat, then get ready for school, but it is never a pleasant experience. Any other suggestions?
Thank you Christy! The ability to cope when hungry can be a mix of both behavior (after all, we all have to deal with being a little hungry now and then) but at the same time everyone is also different (adults and children). A good rule of thumb, something I talk much more about in my book, is to control the environment. This can mean putting snacks (healthy snacks within reason, of course) on a shelf where kids can help themselves (again within reason) and maintaining a good schedule that works for you (breakfast, lunch, dinner with snack times spaced out in between) so that you know they are eating regularly and not “hungry” all the time. And also so that if they claim to be, you know it’s probably NOT hunger but something else… Also, hold on to grapes, carrots, granola bars, or whatever healthy snacks the kids like to offer in a pinch. NO most kids can’t function while hungry (which is the lesson learned from skipping breakfast, they can’t function therefore won’t let it happen again!)so you implement a schedule so they that they aren’t.
Does that help answer your question? Thanks again!
Great point Dawn, every child (like every adult) has their own internal clock. Some need to more sleep than others, and some need an earlier bedtime than others. You just have to find what works.