“It’s your turn to get the milk.” “I got the milk last time.” “No you didn’t – I got it – it’s your turn.”

This is the lovely sibling banter that used to precede many a meal at the McCready house.

A little background…our kids are huge milk drinkers and we keep the extra gallons of milk in a back-up refrigerator in the garage. Since my husband and I don’t drink milk (bad, I know!) – the kids are responsible for getting a new gallon of milk from the outside fridge when the kitchen runs dry.

I know…it’s cold out there in the garage. I know…you have to stumble over whatever’s laying on the mudroom floor to get out there. Such a high degree of difficulty – I can see why it’s such a source of stress!

The kids constantly asked us to referee…. “Dad, didn’t I get the milk last time?” “Isn’t it his turn?”

However, since we’ve been through Session 5 of Positive Parenting Solutions Online we know that the best strategy to deal with sibling rivalry, fighting and jealousy is to stay OUT of their fights.

Every time we get involved in sibling fights and arguments, we reinforce that:

• they don’t have the ability to work it out on their own
• we stand ready to serve as judge and jury when ever a dispute arises

We also rob them of the learning that comes from finding ways to work out a solution on their own.

So instead of creating the peace treaty for them… we said, “We have confidence you guys can come up with a solution on your own.”

And… they did. A surprisingly simple sibling solution. It works. It stood the test of time. And it’s still in use – months later.

This major sibling conflict was resolved with a post-it note. Each time one of them gets a gallon of milk from the garage – a post it note goes on the refrigerator reminding them of who has the next turn.

Surprisingly simple. Surprisingly effective.

The beauty of the process is they came up with the solution and it works for them.

Kids want parents to get involved in their fights. It’s part of the way they get our attention and exert negative power. However, every time we get involved in a dispute, we reinforce “victim and aggressor” roles (more about that in Session 5) and rob kids of the skills they need to resolve conflicts on their own.

Now – before you freak out – I’m not saying we should stay out of ALL the fights. There are times when parents do have to intervene – but we have to do so in a way that helps them learn problem-solving skills for the future.

Session 5 of Positive Parenting Solutions Online is all about sibling rivalry, competition and fighting. You’ll learn the payoff kids get from fighting and what parents unknowingly do to increase the competition. You’ll have a proven 4-step process to minimize sibling fighting and empower kids with the skills they need to resolve fights without you getting involved. Ahh…that’s a good thing!

Tagged as: fighting, sibling rivalry