The solution for public toddler tantrums has two components – preventing the tantrum in the first place and diffusing the tantrum when it happens.
Parents can actually enjoy taking toddlers out in public by implementing these 5 strategies…
1. Give Positive Power. Prevent the tantrum in the first place by giving your child plenty of POSITIVE power throughout the day – lots of choices so he can have some control over his world. (blue towel or yellow towel, Spiderman toothbrush or Batman toothbrush) Parents can also give positive power by training their toddler on “grown up” tasks that make him feel capable and allow him to contribute in meaningful ways. “Grown up” tasks for toddlers include putting spoons and forks away, feeding pets, watering plants (with specific measuring cups) and using a hand-held vacuum to clean up messes. When kids have plenty of positive power, they’re less likely to act out with negative power behaviors – like tantrums.
2. Give them a Job. Prevent tantrums by planning ahead and giving toddlers important jobs at the grocery store. Take a clipboard and a crayon so she can cross off items as you put them in the cart. Toddlers love the power that comes from checking items off a list.
3. Keep them busy. Have a back-up plan by bringing other activities if she gets bored – books on a CD or MP3 player with earphones are magical!
4. Be unimpressed. When the tantrum or whining happens…remember that your child has a right to have a tantrum, but you have a right to not participate. Be totally unimpressed. If you’re in a store, remove yourself to an out of the way corner or go out to the car (you may have to leave your cart) and let her have the tantrum.
5. Don’t react! The most important strategy for dealing with a tantrum in the moment is to NOT REACT. She’s having the tantrum specifically to GET a reaction from you! Don’t give any verbal feedback. Don’t give eye contact. A tantrum isn’t nearly as rewarding when we remove the audience. When parents try to “talk the child down from the ledge” or stop the tantrum, it reinforces that tantrums are a great way to get attention, get them upset (big power hit) and prove that “she’s not the boss of me.”
When your toddler is calmed down and ready to go back into the store, you can go.
Remember, the very best strategy is avoiding the tantrum in the first place by giving lots of positive power and planning ahead with important jobs she can do while you’re there.
Amy McCready is a highly sought-after parenting coach, speaker, consultant and author of “If I Have To Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program To Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling”. After taking time off from her career to raise her two sons (now ages 13 and 16), she founded Positive Parenting Solutions in 2004 to help educate parents on how to effectively communicate and connect with their children. Through her online parenting courses, live webinars and speaking engagements, Amy has gained widespread attention and has been called upon as an expert by numerous media outlets, including NBC’s TODAY Show, The New York Times, The Rachael Ray Show, Fox & Friends and MSNBC.
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Excellent article and excellent advice! Just want to add that as a mother to a child with sensory integration difficulties, when my son was a toddler, he would experience sensory overload every time I took him in to a grocery store or public place with a lot of people. This manifested as a meltdown most of the time. They look just like a tantrum, but the cause and motivation are completely different. If your child has trouble, consistently, with being in public places, or exhibits unusual behaviors in certain situations, ask your pediatrician about screening your child for sensory processing disorder (SPD) (therapy is commonly handled by pediatric occupational therapists). When a child is having a meltdown, they need to be removed from the situation and soothed- they need help calming down.