Groceries…meeting…mowing the lawn…unlike your 6-year-old, your to-do list probably doesn’t include playtime. But considering its benefits for the whole family, maybe it’s time to pencil in a little play!

I’m so proud to be a spokesperson with Merck Consumer Care for the Active Family Project which encourages families to live a more active lifestyle by adopting a new daily routine – one that includes play time with the ones you care most about.

Positive Parenting Solutions encourages you to join the cause and schedule a playdate for your family! You can even win an exciting Family Fun Prize Package.

Playtime with your kids doesn’t have to be anything elaborate: start a game of backyard baseball, head to the park (and play with your kids) or hold a dance party in the living room. It’ll be fun—and you’ll be your kid’s hero. Here are a few other benefits of play:

1. Build connections. We tend to spend so much of our time with our kids ordering them around. This approach to parenting can make our kids take a more defensive position in the parent-child relationship. Can you blame them? On the other hand, if we actually play with our kids positive emotional connections can be formed. While we still have to check off our to-do lists, adding 10 or 20 minutes of dinosaurs or dollhouses into each day will work wonders in helping us relate better to our kids—now and down the road.
2. Curbing misbehaviors. Whether you’re in line at the post office or talking on the phone, you may have noticed that the pull for your attention can fuel a lot of misbehavior. In fact, kids commonly have a need for attention, and when we provide it positively and proactively, they don’t feel the need to seek it negatively. Play with your kids on a daily basis, and you’ll soon see a decrease in attention-seeking misbehaviors like whining, clinging and sibling fighting.
3. Create cooperation. When a child is getting the connection and attention she needs, she’s not as likely to fight you throughout the day. Playtime with your child fills both those needs—creating more cooperative children and a home that runs more smoothly and peacefully.

Remember that a little play every day goes a long way toward building a stronger family. Make play part of your daily to-do list and you’ll soon be enjoying better behavior and better relationships with your kids!

Disclaimer: I am a compensated member of the Active Family Project Play Council. However, the views and opinions expressed here are my own.

The post Celebrate Play! appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

When I first started working with 12 year-old Sarah*, she was the picture of anxiety. Sticking close to her mom, her hair covering her face, she sat in the waiting room as I came out to say hello. She muttered a “hi”, and we walked back to my office. We talked for a few minutes about movies, then–knowing her parents had brought her to my office because of her anxiety about grades–I asked her about school. Sarah burst into tears as she described just how anxious she felt.

“I feel like I have to be perfect; I have to make straight A’s”, she told me. “I don’t know when to stop, I study all the time. It takes me so much longer to finish my homework than my friends. And if I get a B or worse, I freak out.”

Toward the end of our meeting, I asked Sarah’s mom to come into my office. Her mom was calm and relaxed, the exact opposite of Sarah. She smiled easily and sat comfortably on the couch. She seemed genuinely puzzled by Sarah’s worries about school and anxiety about her grades.

“We don’t know where she gets it”, Sarah’s mom explained. “We never put any pressure on her to get good grades. All that we ask is that she do her best.”

As a psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety, I’ve witnessed this scene play out many times over the past 13 years. At first, when I met with patients like Sarah, I expected that their parents would be hard-driving, achievement-oriented moms and dads who demanded perfection and straight A’s. The first few times parents like Sarah’s mom breezed into my office more relaxed and low-key than most, I thought it was a fluke.

Over time, however, a predictable pattern emerged. These relaxed parents, it seemed, often shared the same approach when parenting their children: all we ask is that you just do your best.

As this pattern appeared, I started to wonder: Could the innocent sounding, low-key, “just do your best” approach actually make a child feel more anxious? As I considered this paradox, it occurred to me that there were three key reasons why telling someone to do their best could actually increase anxiety:

1. It creates uncertainty: One problem with the well-intentioned do your best is that it’s simply too vague. How do we know when we’ve done our best? There’s no way to measure that goal or track our progress, so we are left in a state of uncertainty.
2. Uncertainty creates anxiety: Uncertainty is a common cause of anxiety. Often, the more unsure we are about something, the more anxious we feel about it.
3. It can cause us to personalize negative events: When negative events occur, it’s natural to try to explain why. If we’re instructed to just do our best on a task, and we don’t do well, we are likely to blame ourselves and conclude that we are inadequate or incompetent in some way. This creates a sense of defeat and hopelessness, which could lead to less effort and resilience in the future.

So if “do your best” might not actually help our children do their best, what can we do instead? The next time your child feels anxious about school, try these three alternatives:

1. Be specific: Instead of the vague “do your best”, help your child set clear, concrete goals to lessen anxiety and develop good work habits. For example, you might suggest that your child to take three mock spelling tests before her weekly spelling quiz. Or you could encourage her to practice multiplication flash cards until she can do them with 100% accuracy. Being specific on the steps required to do well allows our children to shift their focus away from the outcome and focus on the process instead.
2. Focus on mastery: Paradoxically, you can lessen your child’s anxiety and improve school performance by encouraging focus on mastery of the material instead of how much effort they put in. For example, if your child is strong in math, it may take just a few minutes of practice and little effort to master the multiplication tables for the week. Once he’s achieved this goal, consider it mission accomplished, regardless of how hard he tried or if he “did his best”.
3. Problem-solve: If your child receives a low grade, instead of asking “Did you do your best?” ask “What do you need to do to do better next time?” Consider it a learning experience and review the material with your child. What does your child need to brush up on? Evaluate study habits as well. Did she practice regularly? Was all the homework complete? Look beyond just the grades themselves and evaluate your child’s work habits. Do they need to improve? Remember, all the effort in the world won’t overcome bad habits. By the same token, a few small shifts in work habits can make effort much more efficient.

The next time your child is struggling with anxiety about school, instead of offering a “just do your best” consider using the steps above to reduce anxiety, build self-confidence, and develop invaluable skills for the future. Your child will build concrete tools to ensure life-long success and feel less anxious in the process.

To learn more about helping your child overcome anxiety, visit www.anxietyandocdtreatmentcenter.com.

*Sarah is a fictional patient created to represent a composite of many children with similar problems.

Dr. Kevin L. Gyoerkoe is a licensed psychologist specializing in anxiety and OCD-related disorders at the The Anxiety and OCD Treatment Center in Charlotte, NC.

The post Beyond “Do your best”: Three Ways to Lessen Your Child’s Anxiety about School appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

Spring is in the air and Mother’s Day is upon us – the day when we celebrate the person we call, Mom. And since most of us are moms ourselves it’s also the day we celebrate ourselves!

I can’t think of a better way to celebrate YOU, the amazing community here at Positive Parenting Solutions than by giving away some of the most popular specialty modules from our award winning Positive Parenting Solutions Online course. The tools to make being a mother easier all year round is one of the most priceless gifts I can think of.

We’ll give away one module each day from Wednesday through Saturday. On Mother’s Day (Sunday) I’ll choose one winner to receive all four modules and a copy of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program that Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling.

All of you have to do is choose one or all of the entry options below to enter and starting Wednesday we’ll choose one winner at random each day through Mother’s Day. See below for what we’re giving away each day!

• Wednesday - Curing the Bedtime Blues – A sanity saving module for weary parents! Discover a step-by-step process to get your kids to bed when you want and sleeping through the night!
• Thursday – Taming Morning Mania – If your morning routine has turned into a daily nag-fest, this training module will teach you the tools for tear-free mornings for you and your kids.
• Friday – Ending the Entitlement Epidemic – A strategy packed session to avoid the entitlement trap and raise responsible, respectful and resilient kids.
• Saturday - Getting Kids to Eat What the Family Eats – Discover this recipe for mealtime success with Toolbox solutions to diffuse power struggles and encourage healthy eating!
• Sunday – Grand Prize – All 4 Modules plus If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

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In part 1 of this series, I discussed the power of ditching the “don’t.” This less-than-helpful word can be discouraging and confusing to kids when they hear it all the time, plus it only reinforces the bad behavior. While it’s okay to say “no” and “don’t” sometimes, you’ll get more cooperation from your kids if you can avoid them. Use these strategies to cut back:

1. Tell your kids what to do. Start switching each “don’t” to a “do.” Instead of reminding your child, “Don’t track mud all over the floor!” try, “Please take off your shoes before coming into the house!” Swap, “Don’t chew on your sister’s Lego’s,” with, “Please keep those out of your mouth.”
2. Just say “Yes!” While it’s quicker and easier to reply, “No,” when your child asks to go to the library while you’re knee-deep in closet re-organization, try substituting a, “Yes, that sounds great. I can take you later this afternoon or tomorrow morning—which would you prefer?” Replace, “You’re not leaving this house until your homework is done!” with, “Yes, you can play with your friends when you’ve finished your homework.”
3. Say thank-you in advance. Help your kids make an appropriate choice by taking this leap of faith. Your, “Thank you for hanging up your towel after your shower,” will encourage your kids toward good behavior much more than, “I better not see your towel on the floor again!” Another example: “Thank you for keeping all four chair legs on the floor,” will go over better than, “You’ll break your neck if you keep leaning back on your chair like that!”
4. Practice the positive through role-play. The most effective way to learn how to behave in a variety of situations is through proper training. Decide what kind of behavior you’d like your child to use (anything from taking turns to addressing adults respectfully to making his bed properly), and then practice it in a low-pressure situation. Role-playing with dolls or action figures will get younger kids excited, while a conversation (not a lecture) will help get older kids on board.

Making these changes to your communication style will require some effort on your part but the payoff will be worth it. Your kids will feel more encouraged, they’ll develop a positive, empowered perception of themselves and you’ll enjoy better cooperation all around.

The post Nixing Negativity Part 2: Promoting the Positive appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

Summer’s almost here! But before you start to worry about childcare arrangements, lazy teenagers or the endless rounds of video games, take heart. With a little preparation, there’s no need to be caught off guard as you navigate schedules and ward off the “I’m bored’s!” Start here, and settle in for a fun, relaxing—and only slightly crazy—summer.

Pencil it in. Don’t wait until the bus has quit coming to finalize your plans. Grab your calendar now, and mark off vacations, camps, swim lessons and more—not to mention Grandma’s Alaskan cruise or the babysitter’s knee surgery. If you can, keep whole days open to give kids plenty of free time. You can even schedule things like backyard campouts, beach days (with a sandbox and kiddie pool if you’re inland) and lemonade stands—taking time off of work if need be—so your kids will have lots of fun to remember when it’s time for school again in the fall.

Keep up the good work. Sure, every kid needs to rest his brain for a bit. But if a child’s newly developed skills don’t get used regularly, they could be lost before the new school year begins. Enroll in a library reading program, pick up some fun workbooks or head out on a few educational outings to museums, zoos or historic sites to expand your child’s world while helping them learn. If your child struggles with academics, now might also be a great time to look into summer programs or hire a tutor to help him catch up.

Think outside the sandbox. Let’s face it: a kid can only build so many Lego models or sandcastles before she’s ready for a change. But there’s no need to listen to a chorus of, “I’m bored!” more than once. Brainstorm a list of indoor and outdoor activities—look to the Internet, friends and your kids’ own ideas for inspiration—and turn to it instead of the TV. Or put together a, “rainy day box” filled with things like craft supplies, puzzles, puppets and games that can only come out in wet weather. Keep in mind that it’s not your job (or the TV’s) to entertain your children all day long and that when given the chance, your kids will develop resourcefulness and creativity as they overcome their boredom.

Set it in stone. With your kids at home all day, there’s one thing you can count on: more messes! And you should also be able to count on a little more help. Create a Summer Contract with your child, and ensure that some things—like household responsibilities, bedtimes and media time—are non-negotiable. With your child’s input, write down a list of family contributions she can make every day or week: for instance, making her bed, emptying the dishwasher, walking the dog and weeding the garden. Make sure it’s clear she won’t be able to access her privileges, like her one hour of media time, until her jobs are completed. (Of course, if she goes over her media limit, she’ll lose her media privileges the next day.) And while later bedtimes are okay, keep them constant so you’re not negotiating every night, and they get the sleep they need. Sign the contract along with your child, and stick to it.

With these strategies, you can get ready for an unforgettable summer—one that everyone will love!

What are your summer survival strategies? Leave a comment and let us know!

The post Get Set for Summer! Your guide to the season’s best survival strategies for parents appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

Don’t be late. Don’t run in the house! Don’t tease your sister. DON’T RUN IN THE HOUSE!

If you were to keep track, how many times a day would you find yourself uttering the dreaded four-letter word of childhood: don’t?

While our motives are good, our no, don’t, and other negative commands cause more problems than they solve. In fact, they play a big role in how our kids perceive themselves and in the amount of cooperation they give us. Switching up the words we use, however, can make our action match our intention.

Let’s start by understanding why “don’t” often doesn’t work:

No and don’t get discouraging, fast. Imagine having someone in your life – a boss or a spouse, for example – who began the majority of their communication with no or don’t. It wouldn’t take long to feel downright crummy about ourselves, and our kids are no exception. It goes without saying that we want our kids to have a positive self-image, and we need to make sure our language reflects that.

Negative commands are confusing. I facilitate an in-class exercise with parents in which I give moms and dads a series of “don’t” commands: “Don’t sit down, don’t look at me, don’t stand still, don’t look at your neighbor,” and so forth. The look on their faces is priceless: they take on a “deer in the headlights” expression as they try to process what they should and should not do.

Our children face the same problem. Negative commands, such as “don’t” and “no” require a double mental process: our kids first must understand what not to do, and then figure out what they’re supposed to do instead. For example, “don’t be late” might mean to us, “shut off those video games and go get dressed for your band concert,” but to a child it doesn’t really mean anything.

It reinforces the negative behavior. If I were to say to you “don’t touch your face”, one of the first things you’ll think to do is, ironically, to touch your face. Our children are again hardwired the same way. Our well intentioned “don’t bother your brother while he’s studying” instead inspires our kids to keep their sibling from completing his homework.

It will take some work, but make it your mission to limit the “don’t” in your household.

In Part Two of this series we’ll discuss ways to incorporate more do into your daily routine.

The post Nixing Negativity Part 1: Ditching the “Don’t” appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

Lights out! It’s one of your favorite times of the day. The peace, the quiet…and then you hear the tiny voice chirping, “I’m scared!” It’s nothing new—over the years you’ve checked for monsters under the bed, dinosaurs in the closet, aliens outside the window and a giant ostrich that supposedly visits your child’s room at night. Even your best detective skills have never turned up anything more than a couple dust bunnies or a missing sock. But that doesn’t convince little Kingsley.

Fears aren’t limited to nighttime, though—many kids are afraid of everything from swimming pools (what if there’s a shark?!?) to thunderstorms (what if the lightening gets me?!?) to spiders (can you blame him?). Some fears may be more legitimate than others, but all are very real to your child, whether they’re two or twelve.

If there’s a fierce imaginary dragon (or giant, or cartoon villain) plaguing your house, don’t worry—there’s no reason your kids have to grow up afraid of the dark, or anything else. The strategies below will have your child braving even the bogeyman with ease.

Validate the feelings, but not the creepies. Childhood fears are very normal, and it’s important to be respectful of your child’s feelings. Going overboard, though, by checking in every drawer for monsters or calling the swimming pool to ask if any sharks have been sighted, will only backfire by spinning the qualm out of proportion. Avoid playing into the anxiety by briefly empathizing, then telling her you have confidence she can overcome it. Then, help her do so with the next tip.

Conquer the fear. Whether your child has had a frightful experience with a neighbor’s dog or can’t stomach escalators, he can conquer it with a little guidance from you. First, in a calm moment, ask him for his ideas. Say, “I’ve noticed that dogs make you nervous—can you think of some things that would help you get used to them?” Maybe he’s okay with dogs in kennels or on leashes, or maybe little dogs aren’t as scary. Start with your child’s suggestions, and gradually work your way up until he’s confronting his fear—and getting over it. Recognize that especially if he’s had a bad experience in the past, this could take some time, but his newfound confidence will pay off.

Say “boo” to ghost stories. While you or your older kids might enjoy spooky stories and shows, they might be keeping your four-year-old up at night. And while children may think they can handle creepy characters, sometimes their vivid imaginations get the better of them when the lights are off. Know what your kids are reading and watching—even cartoons can have scary parts that are best avoided until the children are older and better able to differentiate fact from fiction. Set appropriate limits, and when you feel like your child can handle a bit more, take it slowly and talk about what’s real and what’s not.

Fears are normal, but your kids don’t have to live with them. Help them get past their fright, and you’ll all sleep better!

What are your kids afraid of? Tell us in the comment section below.

The post Kids got fears? Never fear! appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

This week we welcome Maryann Jacobsen is a registered dietitian, and co-author of Fearless Feeding How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School to the blog. We’re also giving away a copy of to one lucky winner. Find out how to enter at the end of the post!

Feeding kids in today’s world isn’t easy.  Not only do parents have a lot of pressure to raise healthy kids, they don’t always get the support they need to make it a reality. That is, until now.

My new book, Fearless Feeding: How to Raise Healthy Eaters from the High Chair to High School, fully supports parents in their important job as feeder.  The book demonstrates that common feeding mistakes aren’t a result of flawed parenting, but missing feeding knowledge.  Once parents have a bigger picture of what is going on with feeding, it is pretty easy (even empowering!) to turn things around.

Let’s take a look.

Mistake #1: Interfere with Eating: Whether it’s two more bites, not allowing seconds or insisting on a child eating one food in order to get dessert, research suggests that about 85% of parents try to control their child’s food intake at mealtime.  This is especially true with children small or big, with parents more likely to pressure the thin child to eat more, and the larger child to eat less.

Why it’s a mistake? Children are born with the natural ability to regulate their food intake.  When parents try to get children to eat less or more, for example, they teach children not to trust their body, which can hinder self-regulation.  And research shows that pressuring to eat results in less food intake while cutting a child off at mealtime increases the likelihood they will eat in the absence of hunger (think sneaking and eating more when able).

The Fix: Most major health organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend the Satter Division of Responsibility of feeding. That means parents decide the what, when and where of feeding and children decide the how much and whether of eating.  This not only helps children self-regulate and build confidence in their eating, it makes mealtime more peaceful and supportive, so children can move along food acceptance at their own pace.

Mistake #2: No Structure: Suzie tells her mom she’s hungry and her mom says “of course you can eat” so she goes to get a granola bar.  This same things happens when she wants juice, milk and any other food.  She often eats in the car, while watching TV and while playing at the park.  There is no rhythm or structure to eating and the child is calling the shots on when and what she is eating.

Why it’s a mistake? Suzie isn’t learning to eat out of hunger, she’s learning to eat out of habit.  She never really understands what hunger means but she knows that gets her yummy food when she wants it.  She often eats little at mealtime or large amounts because she is so hungry.  The result is poor food regulation and increased sensitivity to environmental cues of eating.

The Fix: Structure meals and snacks at predictable times and in a designated places like the kitchen table.  Young toddlers need to eat about every 2 to 3 hours, preschoolers every 3 to 4 hours and older children about every 4 hours or so.  When children want to leave after eating very little, remind them when the next meal is (Make sure you got enough to eat because we aren’t eating until X) and when they want to eat between meals remind them when the next meal is (I know you want a snack but we are eating in an hour from now).

Mistake #3: Short-order Cooking: In their family of four, eight-year old Sam was the one who would often refuse the family dinner.  His mom worried about him going to bed hungry so she made him an alternative meal if he didn’t eat the mealtime choice.

Why it’s a mistake? Children learn to eat a variety of food at different paces and Sam was a slow learner.  Sam’s mom’s actions were telling him she didn’t believe he could expand his food repertoire which inadvertently decreased his eating confidence.

The Fix: Sam’s mom needed to adopt an expectant attitude with food, letting her son know that she believed he could start eating more things.  This starts with making one dinner meal, asking for input when meal planning and offering one or two items at meals that are likely to be accepted.  It also helps to switch from plating meals to family style and allowing children to serve themselves. Parents can fill in nutrition gaps at snacks and other meals, giving children time to branch out at dinner on their own.

Mistake #4: Pushing Veggies:  When talking to parents, concerns about low veggie intake are the norm.  Many go to great lengths to get vegetables into their children because they are afraid their child is missing out on important nutrients.

Why it’s a mistake? One of the reasons veggies are often shunned is that about 70% of young children are sensitive to the bitter compounds in them, something that decreases over time.  When parent push (or force) veggies, children may become averse to them, instead of gradually learning to like them had there been no pressure.

The Fix: Children don’t have to eat vegetables to meet their nutritional needs if they eat a variety of fruit and other foods.  That being said, parents can offer vegetables often and in a variety of ways (no sneaking) such as raw with dip, make-your-own salads, and in yummy smoothies while modeling their consumption without the pressure that turns kids off.

Mistake #5: Fixing What Isn’t Broken: Without knowing what to expect at different stages of development, many parents assume that certain food-related behaviors are problematic and may respond inappropriately– babies that refuse puree, picky eating in toddlerhood, wanting to eat what their friends eat at school age and dieting in the teen years.

Why it’s a mistake? All of these food-related behaviors are a normal part of child development. Parents don’t need to “fix” the behavior but instead they need to work with their child to allow the best outcome.

The Fix: Being prepared for each stage helps parents see what’s coming and not take it personally.  Most babies are physically ready to self-feed anywhere from 6 to 10 months, so give them the opportunity with age-appropriate food.  After age two, growth slows so most toddlers don’t need as much food as parents think, so keep meals pleasant and allow them to pick and choose from what you offer.  Your school age child wants to belong, so allow it to happen with food in sensible ways.  And despite how they act, teens still need their parents so ask questions when you see odd food behavior and be there as a guide and role model.

With the right information and support, parents can become fearless feeders raising children who grow up to be fearless eaters.

Maryann Jacobsen is a registered dietitian, mom of two, freelance writer and co-author of Fearless Feeding How to Raise Healthy Eaters from High Chair to High School. She is founding editor of Raise Healthy Eaters, a popular blog about family nutrition. She also blogs regularly at WebMD’s Real Life Nutrition and is a featured nutrition expert for WebMD Answers. She also co-founded the Fearless Feeding Movement on Facebook to provide parents with the support they need.

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The post 5 of the Most Common (and Fixable) Feeding Mistakes Parents Make appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

There are two types of tantrums. The first type of tantrum is displayed by the child who has been dragged around all day running errands, has missed naptime and is feeling “trapped” by the confinement of a stroller. The child who “loses it” at the end of such a day probably just needs a hug in the moment and desperately needs for her parents to recognize and respect her need for routine and structure during the day.

The second type of tantrum is a display of power and is used by the child to manipulate the parents into giving into the child’s demands. This type of tantrum might be a public meltdown in the grocery store, a verbal tirade or stomping away in a “huff” and slamming the door. The child is digging in his heels and saying, “you can’t make me” or “you had better give in, or else”. (The “or else” is the tantrum!)

As frustrating and maddening as tantrums can be, they do “make sense” when we see it from the child’s perspective. The child is trying to get her way and she’s learned from past experience that having a total meltdown usually works! The next time a tantrum occurs – remember these two key points:

Key Point #1: Tantrums aren’t nearly as appealing or rewarding without an audience.

So…remove the audience! As long as the child is in a safe place – walk away; be completely unimpressed with the tantrum and trust me – the tantrum will fizzle within minutes. I know this sounds crazy – but as long as the child is not in danger of hurting herself or others, you should do nothing and leave the room, if possible. (I’ll talk about public tantrums in a minute.)

You may have a repeat performance in a day or two – but by remaining consistent in not providing an audience – the child will quickly learn that there’s no PAYOFF in having a tantrum. It works like “magic”.

Key Point #2: Your child has a right to have a tantrum. You have the right to not participate.(Commit this concept to memory to give you strength when it happens in the future!)

This is liberating to know. Now you can take comfort in knowing it’s not your job to end the tantrum. The child has every right to have a tantrum and you have every right to not participate! If you are in a public place, you can’t leave the child to have his tantrum. In this situation, you should “emotionally detach”. Calmly take the child to the corner of the store or ditch your cart and go out to your car and allow the child to have the tantrum (keep a good book handy so you can pull it out and read until he’s finished) I’m not kidding!

What you don’t want to do is try to reason, explain, lecture or talk him down “off the ledge.” Your job is to FORGET WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK and let your child have the tantrum without a payoff from you. When you try to “stop” the tantrum, the child sees that you are obviously “rattled” and it reinforces that he has tremendous power over you by having a tantrum in a public place where you feel vulnerable.

Instead, pull out your book, let your child have the tantrum and smile politely to any one who sends a stare your way.

What are some of the ways you handle different types of tantrums? Tell us in the comments below or on our Facebook page.

The post Tired of Tantrums? Know the type of tantrum you’re dealing with! appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.

We all know the scene: a few carefully sung words by Mary Poppins, and the Banks’ children’s dolls and clothes march into the toy chest and fold themselves neatly into the closet.

Parents and kids alike wish it were real. But no amount of singing or snapping is going to make that nightmare of a bedroom clean itself. And despite your best efforts, nagging isn’t working either.

While you might not have Mary Poppins’ super powers, you can employ strategies that will help your kids clear their clutter and rediscover that they do have a floor under that mess. Try these “practical magic” tips that will get real results:

Give the mess a rest. What’s the worst that would happen if your kids never cleaned their rooms? Toys would get lost or broken, clothes would stay stained—and that’s no fun. To let these natural consequences do the dirty work for you, first warn your kids about the pitfalls of a messy room and assure them you have complete confidence in their ability to keep things tidy on their own. Then, say nothing when nature runs its course. Refuse to rescue your kids by replacing a missing toy or running an emergency load of laundry, and soon enough, the rooms will get straightened and a lesson will be learned.

Wake your kids’ inner room-cleaner with an alarm they’ll notice. The next time dirty socks and building blocks start intermixing, resist the need to nag. Instead, do a little planning so you can phrase it this way: “When your room is clean, then you may go play with your friends.” The “sugar” in your sentence can be any regularly occurring privilege, from enjoying TV time to eating dinner—but avoid offering rewards or bribes, as you’ll continually have to up the ante. Also, allow plenty of time for a thorough cleaning to take place—depending on the size of the mess, that’s probably at least 20 minutes before a favorite show or dinnertime.

Swallow your need to control. Nothing short of magic can control another person—but you can control your own reaction. Keep the yelling at bay by deciding what you will do whenever the mess gets out of control. At a calm time (so, not while you’re wading through their rooms), inform your kids that they’re old enough to keep their rooms clean. Then say something like, “If your room isn’t clean by dinner every Saturday, I will clean it with a cardboard box. Any toys and clothes not put away will be stored in the basement for a week.” Then, follow through. If you find your kids aren’t missing their favorite toy or coolest jeans, it’s time for a trip to Goodwill.

Put these techniques to work, and you and your kids will be well on your way to enjoying clean bedrooms—no song and dance routine required.

The post Clean Bedrooms—It Can Happen At Your House appeared first on Positive Parenting Solutions.